Bin Laden Didn't Blow Up the Projects, Tell the Truth, Ninja

Remember when Chris Rock made that joke about how weird it is that the best golfer in the world is black, and that the best rapper in the world is white? Yeah, me either. Anyway, he did. Then Tiger Woods decided to throw everyone's African American Studies 101 paper into a disrepute and point out that he identifies no more with black culture than with his Chinese or Thai roots, to say nothing of the splash of Native American and Dutch he has in him. And now the other shoe has dropped. Actually, it dropped when Eminem rapped the following Proustian cerebral outburst, Shady Records was 80 seconds away from the towers. Some cowards fucked with the wrong building, they meant to hit ours...But for real, sons, it has dropped: Above, Eminem attempts at pop cultural and zeitgeisty relevance with his new video (Sarah Palin is a sexy hypocrite!) and his Final Four celebration(?)/maudlin and simultaneously saccharine carnival of Detroitsplatation. (Dudes, why has no one, preferably some effete Europeans done a shocking photo expose of blight in Detroit that we can all post on our Facebook pages?!).

The point is, I was overdue for a blog post and Eminem is the worst. Also, he looks like Psycho T's slightly more cavernous-headed brother. Congratulations, UNC! When you're done celebrating your deserved win, can you remind your vicious fan base to post some more videos reminding me I and my ilk are a bunch of gay-ass homos. Just kidding. America's team! Obama! Change! Freedom Fries! Keep our troops in Iraq. 9-11. Never forget.

Lemon, out.