killing hipsters

"no it's a right now coat."

only a minute long, and well worth it.

leslie nielsen RIP. the only way his obit could be more canadian is if he had a son named gordie.

yo gabba gabba doo

so i didn't know anything about yo gabba gabba, except that hipster bands sometimes performed on it. of course, leave it up to my 5-year-old niece to convince me of the merits of this show. how? let me demonstrate through a photo:

indeed, my niece decided to dress as plex this halloween. i'm so proud of her for choosing, by far, the nerdiest character on YGG. a lesser child probably would have chosen that pink thing with a flower on her head, or at least the cute blue thing. not to mention, can we discuss how my sister made this costume? let me give you the full effect, minus gloves and shoes:

in case you don't know what this show is all about, here is a taste:

How to Lose Your Shit in 10 Days

This video is called "Nicolas Cage Losing His Shit," but what's weird is that the only one (thing) losing his (its) shit is the Yale Drama School, which is obviously going to have to go out of business now because there is no point trying to teach people how to act anymore. Nicolas Cage just straight shows fools how it's done.

Anyway, sorry, I'm still busy turning his blog into a Tumblr. Happy Thanksgiving, home skillets!

ps -- We actually have a "Nicolas Cage" label. I love our blog.

more douchebag, please.

an interesting recent poll of about 5,000 diverse americans revealed that people generally want the wealth distribution in this country to resemble sweden's:
"the top 20% to own just over 30% of the wealth and the bottom 40% to own about 25%."

what is america's actual distribution?
The top 20% of wealthy individuals own about 85% of the wealth, while the bottom 40% own very near 0%. Many in that bottom 40% not only have no assets, they have negative net wealth.

of course, to reach this desired level, we must seriously consider increasing taxes on the wealthy. but no, we're not going to raise their taxes. and how will the rich spend their money? not by trickling that down to you and me, fools. to wit (from the journal, no less):

We know the rich have been spending more than any other sector of the economy. But the real risk with the tax cuts is neither hoarding nor buckets of Grey Poupon. It is that the wealthy will invest their excess cash in ways that do nothing for the U.S. economy–either putting it in emerging markets overseas (which they’ve been doing) or investing in gold (which they’ve also been doing). Exporting capital and buying chunks of metal that sit in a safe do nothing to create jobs or stimulate the economy.

warren buffett is basically begging congress to stop the extension of the bush tax cuts:
“The rich are always going to say that, you know, just give us more money and we’ll go out and spend more and then it will all trickle down to the rest of you. But that has not worked the last 10 years, and I hope the American public is catching on.”

fat effing chance, foreal. every dumdum with $10 thinks he's going to be a billionaire tomorrow. raise taxes on his fantasy earnings? no way.

oh yeah, more fallout from this year's elections?
- consumer protection finance bureau? yeah, that's not going anywhere under the weight of endless requests for reports and investigations from the GOP.
- green card lottery? your days are numbered, too.

omg i'm so bummed now.

on a relatively positive note, kanye's new album is as good as everyone says it is. on infinite loop. i need more douchebag*, please!

* quote from pusha t: "A lot of songs were made strictly from conversations. With 'Runaway,' the beat was down, some of the lyrics were down. And we’re having a conversation about us, as men, being assholes sometimes: admitting it, doing what you can do to get out of it, being well-aware that you do wrong and doing wrong anyways. And he's like, 'I like your perspective on this whole thing. I need a verse.' I had to write it four times. He kept begging for 'more douchebag.' That was his chant: 'I need more douchebag!'

He didn’t understand that I was going through a relationship turmoil at the time, out of my own douchebagness. In the verse, I'm really having a conversation with someone: I was in the wrong about something, so I’m saying it, but then I’m trying to ease it, too. And he’s like, 'No, I need more douchebag. No, please — more douchebag.' He’s killing me, he doesn’t even know it. Eventually I’m like fuck it, I'll just go all the way."

also, can we discuss how three separate individuals are credited on this album for "handclapping?" forealz.

Here's the Fetus

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

Look, if we're going to turn this blog into some kind of Gawker Twitter feed, I say, full fucking turkey.

deep thoughts on this year's election

Prep

It's uncanny really. This is exactly what going to an all-boys' school is like. 

The Case against Books

!!!!!!! [BESTIE x BESTIE  1] !!!!!!! from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.

Hey, Interweb Detritus is known for launching many careers -- John Edwards' presidency (Hair Club for Men), David Brooks' whatever-he-does, and, at some point, I used to post videos of Gabe and Jenny, from the now sort-of defunct Super Deluxe. Because of that, Jenny Slate caught fire, and went on to eventual "fame" with Saturday Night Live. On her first show she said "fuckin'," which is not allowed and hurts America's heart/eyes. Thereafter, she was shut out for much of the rest of the season, and was eventually fired. Super sad! But she's okay, in case you were wondering. And she thinks you and your Aunt Merriweather are bitches. And you know what, you and her are.

my summary of election 2010

(This Is Not My Post on) Tea Party Horsemen of the Apocalypse as Characters from The Wire

I watched the election returns tonight on MSNBC, except for a brief interlude spent watching CNN on the treadmill. I don't know what kind of weird, non-partisan television policy the Y has going on--there's no Fox News there either--but it made for a really stupefying and frustrating jog. Putting aside the fact that Wolf Blitzer is actually a very stupid robot who's managed to grow human facial hair and who talks only in nonsense tautologies and regurgitated political platitudes--putting that aside, they have a small, banana republic for a political panel. I mean, there were maybe a hundred and forty-two people on their election team. At some point a mustachioed fellow yelled at Donna Brazile for making the incredibly pedestrian point that voters throw out the incumbent party during times of economic peril. There was a lot of "Let me finish my point! and "You were finished!!"in their exchange. I know you're supposed to pick motivational music when you go running to get that adrenaline going. I didn't and on the one hand, watching CNN kind of dulled my senses and physical capabilities, but on the other, nothing has made me want to run, full speed, to Vancouver as much as that broadcast. But I digress.

This is the post where I'm supposed to talk about how all the Tea Partying shitbags are like characters from The Wire. But here's the two-fold problem. 1) Sharon Angle and Christine O'Donnell both lost; Joe Miller is, at this moment, losing to "Write-In Votes." And this means I've lost some of my motivation. 2) I like the characters from The Wire too much apparently. I mean, as I was thinking about it, as I was considering Sharon Angle as Marlo Stanfield, it occurred to me that that's maybe too mean. Too mean to Marlo Stanfield who is a maniac, murderous drug kingpin. Still, the mission is the mission, and, anyway, Rand Paul won (peace and blessings be upon Aqua Buddha); Michele Bachman (see video above) is going to vye for a position in Republican leadership apparently; and Rick Scott, a corrupt turd monster, once fined $1.7 billion and charged with 14 felonies for his role in fraudulent hospital billing, is--thank Jesus--looking like he's going to pull it out in Florida, which is still, still, still the worst fucking state in the Union. So, all is not lost! There are going to be plenty of crazies heading to Washington and to the state capitols. We can all rest assured.

(Ed's note: Oh, baby Jesus. Sharon Angle is on TV now and in her concession speech just celebrated the fact that the vast majority of her donations came from outside the state. Has a candidate in the history of humanity ever admitted as nakedly that she's the creation of out-of-state non-voters? To borrow from Matt Taibbi, there is dumb, and there is dumb, and there is Sharon Angle. On a personal note: I was really looking forward to a lot of racial invective from her in this speech. No such luck, but this candid admission re: being a total whore comes a close second.)

Okay. So, Sharon Angle is definitely not Marlo Stanfield. She's more like Orlando--dumb, dumb, dumb, stupidly ambitious, later incarcerated, and later shot dead. These last two things haven't yet happened to Sharon Angle. But hopefully she will get sent to jail for being so dumb, and hopefully she is also now (politically) dead.

(Ed's Note II: Now Barbara Boxer is on TV, being weirdly passive aggressive (falsetto "I don't think so's" and "mmmmkays" everywhere with this one).)

Now, it's very late on the west coast. The promised blog entry hasn't really materialized and this has become some kind of post-prime-time, when-the-ballrooms-are-all-empty liveblog. Carly Fiorina has gone to bed without conceding; Michael Bennet is losing, which is super sad, but maybe some votes will shake out for him through the night. And Prop 19 is dead.

(Ed's Note III: Some guy in jeans from the Bennet campaign just delivered a statement to literally almost no one that said literally almost nothing. This ballroom he's in, though, has a carpet with a really interesting concentric circle pattern. No one can take that away from this ballroom. Okay. They are turning off the lights and dismantling things in the ballroom now, but MSNBC still has a reporter there saying things.) 

So, in closing, let me thank my wife, 'Pockets, my daughter, 'Pockets, jr. Let me also thank all the people at Dish Network for giving me television. God bless you. God bless America.

C4tS out. (Go Bennet!)

"My Name Was on the Street?"

It is the eve of the 2010 midterm elections, and I would be remiss if I let the moment pass without some commentary. Of course, Interweb Detritus' fierce and furious election coverage in the build-up to the 2008 hope and change extravaganza was -- history will judge -- worthy of awards and plaudits. The crowning pinnacle of my own offerings in those heady times can be found here. (7-part series; scroll to the bottom.)

It has been almost three years since that series. Back then we didn't even know that ______ was going to get capped by his own ______; and that blank would avenge his death by capping _______. Season 5 of The Wire, its laboring and loopy goodness (not greatness) had yet to kind of disappoint us. The economy hadn't yet fully cratered; Obama still had a glimmer of promise; "Predator drone" and "top kill" were not part of our quotidian exchanges.

The day after the soul-shattering election of 2008 I changed the subheading to the blog to what it reads now. I wish I weren't so cynical, but neither cynicism--nor presecience for that matter--can be credited with those words. We elected a slippery, fundamentally non-ideological person--someone who announced himself that way--but who somehow convinced us that his rhetoric was different than all the rhetoric that came before. To reconstitute the words of Slim Charles, when you run on a lie, I suppose, you lose--or lose ground--on that lie too.

And so here we are. The midterms of 2010, and the economy has not improved; the same bovine, unprincipled middle 30% that liked the branding two years ago has found a different brand to get behind now. When you unleash a hope for change in the electorate, that feeling will become endemic. I don't know. What I do know is this: there are some fucking first-class fuck-ups who are taking their guns and their pillboxes and their serpentine flags to Washington come January. After the election results are posted tomorrow, I'll check the count and tally the bodies. Check back in then for....

Elected Tea Party Horsemen of the Apocalypse as Characters from The Wire.