Today in Old: Hockey Hall of Fame Edition

Amidst my endless reading about the reinvention of the GOP / Obama's drones / Messina's ground game and everything else I could possibly consume about politics, I somehow stumbled across this:

Holy moly!  I had no idea Bure's career was Hall of Fame level, but hey, not my decision to make.  What is he even up to nowadays?

Anyway, I miss watching these guys.  This brings me back.  Joe Sakic went to high school one city over from Vancouver and I once stopped by to check out his graduation photo.  I want to say that I happened to be there for another purpose altogether, but that's probably wrong.

final countdown

so...last day! seriously, i cannot believe it's here. i almost don't want to say anything because i fear i am going to jinx myself. but hey, why not go out on a limb--i'm done! this is the first time i've ever really had a transition between jobs. i've held limited-term jobs (internships); i've been summarily dismissed from a job (layoff); and i've been allowed to leave some jobs on virtually no notice (working for my parents). otherwise, i quit my first post-college job on a friday and started work at a new job the following monday.

all that is to say, i've never looked forward to a vacation more than this. i'm going to shore up my liberal bona fides by finally watching the wire. i'll let you know whether it blows my mind.

Baby Gosling

Here is what you get when you Google image search "baby Gosling." First of all, why are you searching for that? That's redundant. All goslings are babies, dummy. Second of all, what the fuck is up with these images? None of these fucking goslings are cute. Why are their abs so undefined? Who knows. Fuck those goslings. What you're I'm really looking for of course is this. Look at that tinysexy! His shirt is so big! Timberlake towers over him! Is that Britney at the end? She towers over him too. (Btw, I never had Disney Channel as a kid, so even though 95% of this blog is pure pop culture nostalgia, this isn't an example of that.)

I've been on hiatus from the blog for a while, I know. And after a while, I got to thinking, when I make it back, it has to be big. Some kind of magnum opus. Will I finally sit down and write that careful reflection on John Edwards -- whom I lionized in this blog? That fuck-you column about how I was right -- 100% right -- about Barack Obama, you fucking fake-ass, horse-race liberals? (I was right. Seriously. Shut the fuck up. I was right.) No, I am going to write about my questioning my sexual orientation. I think I love Ryan Gosling. Putting aside the fact that he's white and kind of blonde-ish....he's...he's....he's....Canadian. I am a mapleleafsexual. Kill me now.

holycowvancouverisinthefinalsAHHHHHHHHHH

the above is pretty much how i feel right now. i know this is your number one source for all things hockey-related (in which case, how sad for you), and since i will be traveling the next few days, here we go!

1. here it is, kids. i am going to go franzen and just show my unabashed devotion instead of pretending that i'm not invested in this team. and i'm going to declare this love using one of the more recent forms of technologically-facilitated expression, the blog. zing! so what does this mean? i'm going to go one step above espn, yahoo, globe and mail, EA sports, and all of the other prognosticators and declare that the vancouver canucks will win in 6. the downside to this is that they will win in unfriendly territory. the upside is that i won't have to lose my mind during a game 7. and this is actually about me. sorry if you thought this was about the 40-year drought in vancouver or the 18-year drought in canada or cam neely returning to the town that prematurely rejected him or the fact that mark recchi is the oldest player to play in the stanley cup finals or that this is the first final featuring two french-canadian coaches or even the disappearance of the boston pizza chain in vancouver.

2. i am a bit worried about my hometown and i fear that they will just spontaneously combust. how is this different from 1994? here is my take. the '94 canucks were a good team, but the '11 are the freaking best team in the NHL. thus, the city, which is already beyond starved for a championship, is sitting on the edgiest of edges. want proof? here are two youtube clips that a vancouverite filmed. you'll see what i mean. the entire city is enveloped in this. don't expect anything to be accomplished in vancouver over the next two weeks. all of those straight-to-DVD films and USA dramas will have to be filmed elsewhere or take a hiatus.

3. aren't boston sports fans the worst? yeah, they totally are. i don't know if i can stomach a world in which all four of their teams dominate their respective leagues.

oh, you wanted like sports-y analysis? uh, i dunno, luongo is always a gamble, though he was channeling someone else during game 5 of the last round. he's been fairly consistent since his terrible mid-chicago series breakdown. nonetheless, it was news to me that guy was nominated for a vezina. apparently boston has a horrendous power play, while the canucks have one of the best in the playoffs. i don't know whether this means that the canucks should play very physically and forget about any disadvantages of playing shorthanded. fairly safe bet since the canucks' penalty kill is pretty darn good. nonetheless, why give the other team extra opportunities, even if they succeed only 9% of the time? i know so little about boston since the two teams rarely play. i guess chara is important?

we'll see what happens, dudes. we've been burned so many times that it is somewhat challenging to think that anything emerging from this town can actually win, but here's hoping.

Canada Just Killing It, Like Always

Look, people (person?), I think it's weird that you're so consumed by your national bloodlust that you haven't thought twice about the conflicting details of the Bin Laden kill operation and whether it comports with our national values. Or that your response to the admittedly strange, frankly unbelievable circumstances in which he was found is to proclaim that we stop all aid to Pakistan and regard it as a terrorist state -- despite the fact that the United States has thousands of troops and tons of military equipment and other supplies in Afghanistan, which got there through Pakistani ports and would have to get out the same way; despite the fact that the greatest victim of terrorism in the world today is Pakistan, its people, its police force, its soldiers; despite the fact that an incompetent Pakistani army or duplicitous Pakistani intelligence agency is not interchangeable with its people; despite the fact that we continue to drone-bomb the Pakistani countryside, which, understandably, might cloud its people's feelings about American wonderfulness. I think it's weird that you, strawman, disregard obvious geopolitical complexities for easy "USA!" sloganeering. But that's just me.

Still, while we can disagree about politics and policy, here and abroad, it's nice to know there remains some common ground between us: We can still agree, for instance, that Canadians are just killing it--straight murdering shit--with their amazing awesomeness at life. Really, just a paragon of democratic values that country is.

canada!

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Sportsdome

Onion SportsDome

This show is just killing it. I'd post the segment they did on Gary Bettman staging his own kidnapping to get his "hockey tv program" some attention, but that would be playing into E's hands.

get jingo with it

will i ever stop hating the rangers?



Though perhaps even the Rangers own coach doesn't yet know what this team is capable of. Before the game, John Tortorella said that the Rangers would need to score goals in this one, because against such a talented Vancouver team, "We're not gonna win a hockey game tonight, 1–0." Which is, of course, exactly what they'd do, in a playoff atmosphere — or, with all the "USA, USA" chants that went up from the Garden crowd, perhaps we should say an Olympic atmosphere.

yes, i know. why don't i live here, etc.

discovered this today, much to my delight:

Trevor Linden, C.M.
Vancouver, British Columbia
Member of the Order of Canada

For his ongoing sportsmanship and community engagement as a respected leader both on and off the ice.

i read this on yelp today

review of an indian restaurant in vancouver:

My wife and I stopped here for lunch, the place was virtually empty. Pleasant inside, but my suprise came when I was served by a chinese waitress, not that I'm against the chinese, I wouldn't be here if that was the case. I was merely pointing out the obvious instant lacking of authenticity.

killing hipsters

"no it's a right now coat."

only a minute long, and well worth it.

leslie nielsen RIP. the only way his obit could be more canadian is if he had a son named gordie.

memo(u)ries

so...i went to a caps game over the weekend. yes, this is a hockey reference. no, i will not talk about just hockey this entire post (party poopers), except to say that there were no less than four fights in the last five minutes of the game and that i somehow got free box seats. who knew that working at a nonprofit would yield such rewards? anyway, being at the game reminded me that i sometimes miss canada and maybe even canadians.

for example, ever hear of "men with brooms"? actual plot summary:

Paul Gross stars as the leader of a recently reunited curling team from a small Canadian town. This offbeat comedy follows the team as they work through their respective life issues and struggle to win the championship for the sake of their late coach.

who's paul gross? and how can this not mention leslie nielson, Hilarious Canadian?

tagline? "a comedy that will sweep you off your feet!" laughing out loud.

second, "battle of the blades." think dancing with the stars, except hockey players, figure skaters, and, of course, ice. Rectangular Shoe Aficionado dick button was a judge in the first season, and they've now enlisted jeremy roenick, Major Whiner and Non-Canadian.

theme song? "there will never be another tonight" by bryan adams. laughing out louder.

you know, the internet continues to enlighten. the above youtube ad features bob probert and tie domi, whose best known collaboration prior to the above gathering was this.

this blog post is so symmetrical. circle of life and the wheel of fortune.

HAPPY CANADA DAY, E and Keanu!

Sad Keanu is sad because he is building a midtown skyscaper in a city that you will one day leave. Supes sad, E, but Happy Canada Day! Keanu is still Canadian! And he knows kung fu.

against all odds

i remember some stat from when i was a kid that no NHL team has managed to overcome a 3-1 playoff series deficit. i'm not sure whether that record still stands, but alas, the canucks were unable to beat the odds. so much for your dream of an all-canadian final, TS!

vancouver, phil understands your pain.

WE'RE ALL GOING TO WEST EDMONTON MALL!!!

and because you cannot have a hockey party without a mountie...

is wayne gretzky going to have to choke a bitch?

i know none of you watched it so here' s a recap.

the opening ceremonies went fairly well, although it would have been quite awesome if broken social scene had performed instead of (yikes) bryan adams. kd lang was great.

but lest we canadians get too big for our pear-shaped mountie breeches, what should have been the highlight--the lighting of the torch by 4 people, not just one, including canadian hero and man in motion rick hanson--fell rather embarrassingly short. although the rest of the torchbearers quite literally grinned and beared waiting for the mechanical malfunction to be resolved, wayne gretzky was just not having any of it.

so yeah, good for vancouver for incorporating the first nations people into the ceremony, although kind of cruel for making them dance for like an hour with those heavy costumes. also, we can feature a gang of fiddling tapdancers but no asians? and no love for mr. hockey?

ps that photo is for all you americans who couldn't care less about anything not american, i.e., all americans.

own the podium

yes! we're finally coming upon the the convergence of two things nobody cares about (except moi, of course)--winter sports and canada.

the winter olympics are here, starting on friday. woohoo! the downside is that i have to rely on nbc's typically schmaltzy and american exceptionalism-y coverage. i remember back in college i ran into a professor of mine in the elevator. the sydney games had just ended and he had returned from a stint in london. the two of us grumbled about american olympic coverage and lauded the bbc. yes my friends, i can bring down the level of discourse on virtually any occasion. instead of asking relevant questions about reconstruction or lincoln with the premier scholar on these subjects, we talked about bob costas.

anyway, check out this inadvertently hilarious article from the times on canada's desperate efforts to win a gold medal on home soil. apparently canada spent several million dollars to study these Important Matters:

- super-low-friction bases for snowboards and whether curling brooms really melt the ice. (They don’t, but they warm it enough to reduce surface friction, especially if the broom is dry.)

- Scientists used a missile guidance system to track skiers, and built a giant catapult, a human slingshot, to hurl speedskaters into a turn to practice cornering.

oh well. just don't get adam gopnik or michael ignatieff involved. those guys ruin everything. (oops, too late).

btw, also check out this video introducing the olympics mascots. my bro-in-law composed the music!

ham and bubbly

what's up with michael buble and why is he famous? he's a middling singer with a soporific repertoire and not exceptionally charismatic. he used to date emily blunt, who i think is kind of awesome and starred in one of the greatest movies of all time (yeah, i know, i watched it while studying for the bar so my perception may be skewed). and now he's engaged to some argentinian hottie. despite his utter boringness, he does seem to have a sense of humor.

i know the clip above has nothing to do with michael buble per se, but it's hilarious.

pity for fleury???

wow, theoren fleury was like the closest thing i had to an imaginary archnemesis as a kid. this tiny little player (well, for hockey anyway. he's about my height) was pesky, annoying and hated by any mildly knowledgeable canuck fan. fleury's new-ish memoir, playing with fire, is the number one nonfiction book in canada. take that, andre agassi! on a side note, agassi's interview with terry gross was pretty surprising. he apparently totally hated tennis! how is that even possible?!

according to his memoir, fleury was sexually abused over a two-year period by his junior hockey coach, then spent the rest of his life succumbing to virtually every temptation: cocaine, alcohol, prostitutes. at one point, he even attempted suicide. i don't really understand how these athletes can abuse their bodies to such a degree yet still manage to outperform any average human being.

in case you thought this was all confessional self-actualization fluff, fleury doesn't disappoint, describing forgotten one-time phenom alexandre daigle as follows: "What a beauty, that guy. He had all the tools, but no box to go with it. Dumb as a post."

haha, god, only if sarah palin could make her memoir half as interesting.

checking in with stevie Y

how did i miss this? yzerman was inducted into the hockey hall of fame! along with pretty boy luc robitaille and snoozefest defenseman brian leetch. oh yeah, brett hull, blahblahblah. lamoriello looks a little stunned to find himself on that poster, btw.