Today in Old: Hockey Hall of Fame Edition

Amidst my endless reading about the reinvention of the GOP / Obama's drones / Messina's ground game and everything else I could possibly consume about politics, I somehow stumbled across this:

Holy moly!  I had no idea Bure's career was Hall of Fame level, but hey, not my decision to make.  What is he even up to nowadays?

Anyway, I miss watching these guys.  This brings me back.  Joe Sakic went to high school one city over from Vancouver and I once stopped by to check out his graduation photo.  I want to say that I happened to be there for another purpose altogether, but that's probably wrong.

holycowvancouverisinthefinalsAHHHHHHHHHH

the above is pretty much how i feel right now. i know this is your number one source for all things hockey-related (in which case, how sad for you), and since i will be traveling the next few days, here we go!

1. here it is, kids. i am going to go franzen and just show my unabashed devotion instead of pretending that i'm not invested in this team. and i'm going to declare this love using one of the more recent forms of technologically-facilitated expression, the blog. zing! so what does this mean? i'm going to go one step above espn, yahoo, globe and mail, EA sports, and all of the other prognosticators and declare that the vancouver canucks will win in 6. the downside to this is that they will win in unfriendly territory. the upside is that i won't have to lose my mind during a game 7. and this is actually about me. sorry if you thought this was about the 40-year drought in vancouver or the 18-year drought in canada or cam neely returning to the town that prematurely rejected him or the fact that mark recchi is the oldest player to play in the stanley cup finals or that this is the first final featuring two french-canadian coaches or even the disappearance of the boston pizza chain in vancouver.

2. i am a bit worried about my hometown and i fear that they will just spontaneously combust. how is this different from 1994? here is my take. the '94 canucks were a good team, but the '11 are the freaking best team in the NHL. thus, the city, which is already beyond starved for a championship, is sitting on the edgiest of edges. want proof? here are two youtube clips that a vancouverite filmed. you'll see what i mean. the entire city is enveloped in this. don't expect anything to be accomplished in vancouver over the next two weeks. all of those straight-to-DVD films and USA dramas will have to be filmed elsewhere or take a hiatus.

3. aren't boston sports fans the worst? yeah, they totally are. i don't know if i can stomach a world in which all four of their teams dominate their respective leagues.

oh, you wanted like sports-y analysis? uh, i dunno, luongo is always a gamble, though he was channeling someone else during game 5 of the last round. he's been fairly consistent since his terrible mid-chicago series breakdown. nonetheless, it was news to me that guy was nominated for a vezina. apparently boston has a horrendous power play, while the canucks have one of the best in the playoffs. i don't know whether this means that the canucks should play very physically and forget about any disadvantages of playing shorthanded. fairly safe bet since the canucks' penalty kill is pretty darn good. nonetheless, why give the other team extra opportunities, even if they succeed only 9% of the time? i know so little about boston since the two teams rarely play. i guess chara is important?

we'll see what happens, dudes. we've been burned so many times that it is somewhat challenging to think that anything emerging from this town can actually win, but here's hoping.

Sportsdome

Onion SportsDome

This show is just killing it. I'd post the segment they did on Gary Bettman staging his own kidnapping to get his "hockey tv program" some attention, but that would be playing into E's hands.

we takin' over the world

why not?

get jingo with it

will i ever stop hating the rangers?



Though perhaps even the Rangers own coach doesn't yet know what this team is capable of. Before the game, John Tortorella said that the Rangers would need to score goals in this one, because against such a talented Vancouver team, "We're not gonna win a hockey game tonight, 1–0." Which is, of course, exactly what they'd do, in a playoff atmosphere — or, with all the "USA, USA" chants that went up from the Garden crowd, perhaps we should say an Olympic atmosphere.

memo(u)ries

so...i went to a caps game over the weekend. yes, this is a hockey reference. no, i will not talk about just hockey this entire post (party poopers), except to say that there were no less than four fights in the last five minutes of the game and that i somehow got free box seats. who knew that working at a nonprofit would yield such rewards? anyway, being at the game reminded me that i sometimes miss canada and maybe even canadians.

for example, ever hear of "men with brooms"? actual plot summary:

Paul Gross stars as the leader of a recently reunited curling team from a small Canadian town. This offbeat comedy follows the team as they work through their respective life issues and struggle to win the championship for the sake of their late coach.

who's paul gross? and how can this not mention leslie nielson, Hilarious Canadian?

tagline? "a comedy that will sweep you off your feet!" laughing out loud.

second, "battle of the blades." think dancing with the stars, except hockey players, figure skaters, and, of course, ice. Rectangular Shoe Aficionado dick button was a judge in the first season, and they've now enlisted jeremy roenick, Major Whiner and Non-Canadian.

theme song? "there will never be another tonight" by bryan adams. laughing out louder.

you know, the internet continues to enlighten. the above youtube ad features bob probert and tie domi, whose best known collaboration prior to the above gathering was this.

this blog post is so symmetrical. circle of life and the wheel of fortune.

The Post in which I Learn to Stop Worrying and Love Hockey Too

E, This is what happens when you push me to blog. I give you what you want. And we all know what you want are pictures of Alex Ovechkin rocking out in a Speedo in Turkey during the off-season. Obviously, I will have other things to share soon enough -- my solution for the oil crisis, my thoughts on racist fuckface Chuck Schumer's declaration that Gazans be taught a lesson (i.e., "strangled")  for exercising their democratic rights against America's preference; my blueprints for lithium mining in Afghanistan. It's all coming. But for now, E, please just photoshop your face onto the body of one of the lovely young ladies pictured herewith.

against all odds

i remember some stat from when i was a kid that no NHL team has managed to overcome a 3-1 playoff series deficit. i'm not sure whether that record still stands, but alas, the canucks were unable to beat the odds. so much for your dream of an all-canadian final, TS!

vancouver, phil understands your pain.

WE'RE ALL GOING TO WEST EDMONTON MALL!!!

and because you cannot have a hockey party without a mountie...

pity for fleury???

wow, theoren fleury was like the closest thing i had to an imaginary archnemesis as a kid. this tiny little player (well, for hockey anyway. he's about my height) was pesky, annoying and hated by any mildly knowledgeable canuck fan. fleury's new-ish memoir, playing with fire, is the number one nonfiction book in canada. take that, andre agassi! on a side note, agassi's interview with terry gross was pretty surprising. he apparently totally hated tennis! how is that even possible?!

according to his memoir, fleury was sexually abused over a two-year period by his junior hockey coach, then spent the rest of his life succumbing to virtually every temptation: cocaine, alcohol, prostitutes. at one point, he even attempted suicide. i don't really understand how these athletes can abuse their bodies to such a degree yet still manage to outperform any average human being.

in case you thought this was all confessional self-actualization fluff, fleury doesn't disappoint, describing forgotten one-time phenom alexandre daigle as follows: "What a beauty, that guy. He had all the tools, but no box to go with it. Dumb as a post."

haha, god, only if sarah palin could make her memoir half as interesting.

checking in with stevie Y

how did i miss this? yzerman was inducted into the hockey hall of fame! along with pretty boy luc robitaille and snoozefest defenseman brian leetch. oh yeah, brett hull, blahblahblah. lamoriello looks a little stunned to find himself on that poster, btw.

things i'm excited about

things about which i'm excited?

grammar aside, we rarely express excitement here on interweb detritus, but i'm exasperated by exasperation and have decided that i'm so excited that, really, i just can't hide it. and no, it's not over "where the wild things are." c'mon.

1. glee. i found the preview pilot episode nearly hypnotic in its awesomeness. you can check it out here. would you believe this show's creator also created nip/tuck?! who woulda thunk it. yes, you can love this show about a high school glee club even if you're a self-professed hater of all things harmonized without accompaniment. sure, it recycles a lot of cliches, but only in the best way possible. also, jane lynch! (typical line, said to a bunch of cheerleaders in rehearsal: "think this is hard? try being waterboarded. that's hard.").

2. extract. i don't really know what this movie is about, except that mike judge wrote and directed it. that's all i need to know. ah yes, this exchange from king of the hill (another mike judge creation) makes me laugh every time.

3. jil sander for uniqlo. i am fairly certain that most wearable sizes will be sold out within an hour or so, but it doesn't prevent me from eagerly anticipating the prospect of purchasing something from jil sander for less than a bazillion dollars. and i have high hopes for this line, which i think will be superior in quality to the ill-fitting polyblend designer lines from h&m and the like.

4. this case between the maker of blackberry against the NHL. again proving that the NHL is the worst-managed league and causing me wonder, yet again, how gary bettman has managed to keep his job for this long, here comes a case in which all of the team owners in the NHL voted to prohibit jim balsillie from purchasing the phoenix coyotes and probably moving them to hamilton, ontario. (i know, where?) the case seems rather complicated, but essentially, the current owner of the coyotes jerry moyes filed for bankruptcy, and jim balsillie bid what is thought to be an inflated sum to purchase the team. the NHL's board of governors voted to prevent balsillie from completing the purchase bc they think he's unethical, all the other viable bidders have dropped out, which caused the NHL to enter a bid to purchase the team and operate it until it can find a buyer who is willing to keep the team in phoenix. there seems to be a lot of bad blood among those involved, and now moyes is accusing the NHL of violating antitrust laws.

we'll see how this mess unfolds.

hockey night in canada

it's not exactly news to disclose that i often fantasize about exit strategies.

well, a convergence like this one happens, oh i dunno, never in a lifetime. it turns out cbc sold the song for reasons that i don't understand (nor care to - you can listen to the original song here). i knew my parents forced me to play piano all those years for some reason. finally, a purpose in life! considering the strength of the canadian dollar i better find a canadian resident on whose behalf to submit my entry.

btw, did you see this interview? i dare you to not tear up at least a little.

HUNCKLEYTOWN!

oh detroit, how you've been forgotten. your basketball team doesn't even play in your city.

in any case, the great game of hockey concluded its season today, with the always likable red wings emerging as the victors. well, aside from chris chelios, who is the dirtiest player pretty much ever.

anyway, here's to you, stevie yzerman. i know you're no longer even in the game, but as a certain michigander said, i'm sure you're out there being tough and handsome.

ooh la la pierre -- Part Deux

My feelings about Pierre Turgeon are best expressed by Dale Hunter during the 1993 Playoffs.

ooh la la pierre

whoa, classy gent and lady byng winner pierre turgeon decided to hang up his skates after nineteen seasons in the NHL.

but you know what really gets to me about the wikipedia entry? the following used to have a totally different meaning when i was an uninformed youth back in canadia: "In 1991, Turgeon, along with Benoit Hogue, Uwe Krupp, and Dave McLlwain, was traded to the New York Islanders for Pat LaFontaine, Randy Wood, Randy Hillier and future considerations." y'know, the sabres were gonna sit around and contemplate for a while, scratch their chins and then get back to the islanders with what they wanted at some point down the line. i guess that literally is what happened, but the word "consideration," much like the word "reasonable," makes my brain melt now.

anyway, kind of nuts that turgeon never won a stanley cup. even ray bourque squeezed one in in his final season! alas, au revoir, pierre.

at least trevor linden is still in the game. whew.

sports cap

this "play" magazine that the times sometimes slips into my sunday paper seems to be the print equivalent of a non-sequitur. wtf? i decided to flip through it this morning before i get to the heavy stuff, e.g., sunday styles, the city, coupons.

there was this article fawning over marv albert. now, as i indicated in a previous post, nothing in sports past june 14, 1994 interests me, so of course i read this. ah, i remember those lazy saturday mornings marked by that john tesh-composed nba on nbc theme. marv, you will never be a man in panties who likes to bite women to me.

on a related note, some of you know that i had to make a mad dash to the border last week for no good reason. at the toronto airport i ran into freaking PAT QUINN, aka my childhood idol and two-time coach of the year winner. i sort of gushed, "i am a big fan of yours." he looked a little taken aback and muttered something resembling a thank you. then i came home, googled him and found this. learns me to stop paying attention to sports.

if you've made it this far, here is your reward: i am going to eat your family.