Like the Driven Snow

Blogger E suggested in another forum that maybe I'm above blogging, that maybe I've lost my blogo-chops, but fear not loyal reader (I use the singular for obvious reasons), I have not abandoned you. I was out of town over the weekend and precious little has happened since--although, apparently, the grandson of a former Iranian minister told the sitting American President (to his face) that he's nothing more than Cheney's bitch and said president could only muster a chuckle and a graceless exit in response. I guess that's worth blogging about. But the United States' inevitable war with Iran is not what's on my mind today. Less pressing matters await. For instance, what is going on with the Daily Show?

I was watching the other day and Larry Wilmore, "Senior Black Correspondent," came on to talk about Obama's blackness or lack thereof, and it got me thinking, as I have before, what is up with this? How is that a show that butters its bread with the foibles, hypocrisies, and peccadilloes of others continues to be so unapologetically lily-white? And, moreover, instead of making an effort to address its lack of diversity the show just makes light of the issue by bringing in a Senior Black Correspondent to talk about things related to black people--that annoying, knowing, well we can't be racist if we make fun of ourselves this way attitude that I hate. Republished on ColbertNation, but originally posted somewhere else, a comedian recalls a Christmas party conversation with a Daily Show Writer who, when asked about the stunning lack of diversity on the show, said,"We tried a black guy once, but it didn't work out."

Of course, I am going to continue to watch the Daily Show, and continue to marvel at its spot-on mockery of the smug, the lame, and the evil. And of course, as a South Asian person, I was happy to see that Aasif Mandvi had even a bit role on the show, but Jesus Christ, Jon Stewart, you need to get your head out of your ass with this one. You subject us to John Oliver almost nightly--a man who has never told a joke that wasn't followed by the distant chirping of crickets--but you can't hire any real black or Hispanic correspondents for fear that it might not work out? I realize that comedy is an old-boys' network, but so is politics--and time and again the Daily Show has taken politics to task for exactly that reason. As Clarice Starling once said to Hannibal Lecter, "Why don't you turn that high-powered perception at yourself and tell us what you see, or, maybe you're afraid to."

things i miss about the clinton administration

1) conan's cut-out of bill clinton (yee-haw!)
2) reunification of fleetwood mac
3) JANET RENO DANCE PARTY
4) hilary as quasi-socialist instead of hilary as hawk

not to mention:

In 1996, Rodi Alvarado, a young Guatemalan, sought asylum because, she claimed, her husband had brutally beat her and had repeatedly raped and sodomized her. Moreover, the Guatemalan authorities had refused to protect her, saying it was a domestic matter. Like Vallabhaneni, she so feared for her life that she left her children behind and fled to the U.S. There has been profound disagreement among U.S. authorities over how to deal with Alvarado, whose credibility was never in question. An immigration judge granted her asylum, but the government attorneys appealed to the Board of Immigration Appeals, which ruled that Alvarado’s husband didn’t brutalize her because she was a woman but rather because she was his wife. The board ordered her removed to Guatemala. Then Attorney General Janet Reno stepped in, as she was permitted to do, and vacated Alvarado’s deportation order. In her last days in office, Reno also proposed a set of regulations that recognized that a credible claim for asylum could be made based on domestic violence if it was severe and if the country in question was unwilling to do anything about such abuse.

i hate you, alberto gonzales.

how much is that doggie in the window

i'm not much of an animal lover, but i observed two sad dog-related scenarios yesterday.

1) a dog was tied up outside of a restaurant. this dog appeared to be shivering pretty badly and it was crouched up into a ball, presumably trying to keep itself warm. the sight sort of haunted me afterwards. my friend tried to convince me that dogs don't really get that cold, but this dog looked pretty freaking cold to me.

2) a man was walking his 3-legged dog down the street. the poor dog was hobbling along!

hodgepodge

every time a new designer releases a collection (is that what i should call it in this context?) at tar-jay i get excited. until i check out the merchandise. isaac mizrahi's seersucker a while back was all the rage, but when you checked the clothes close-up, they were pretty shitty. poor stitching, mediocre fabrics...this couldn't have been what they'd had in mind.

then came paul & joe, luella bartley, etc. : all crap.

can't say i'm exactly holding my breath for proenza schouler's new line.

on an unrelated note, i recently tried to watch american dream (speaking of barbara kopple, i can't wait for shut up and sing to come out on dvd) and found it quite depressing. we thought the state of labor unions was bad in the 80s and look at us now. oh samuel gompers, where have you gone?! [ed note: this is no way endorsing gompers's offensive stance on immigration.]

speaking of documentaries, if you haven't watched the Up Series, please start. i found 49 Up to be the most affecting of the lot.

hockeytown

so someone admonished me for not properly mourning anna nicole smith's death. seriously? c'mon. clearly i'm not alone in my lack of respect (also see here).

now to the title of this post. i know all kinds of random trivia about pre-mid-90s sports (did you know that pedro martinez started with the montreal expos?), but admittedly, my sports knowledge is pretty antiquated. i stopped caring about sports at around 1994, when the vancouver canucks lost the stanley cup finals to the (gag) new york rangers in seven games. it shattered me. i think due to this trauma, i rarely read the sports pages.

i randomly turned to the nyt sports section the other day and saw this article. despite the fact that the names leetch, graves, messier and richter make me throw up a little in my mouth, you gotta appreciate a goalie who decided to do this post-retirement:

Richter has navigated his transition by enrolling at Yale and working toward a degree in ethics, politics and economics; he will finish either this year or next. He works with Yale’s goalies as a volunteer assistant and also helps coach his 6-year-old son’s hockey team. He and his wife, Veronica, have two other sons, ages 4 and 2.

Being forced to retire left Richter feeling as if he had been robbed of the end of his career. But he said Yale had given him structure, a goal and time to spend with his family. He has not decided on his next career, he said, but he has invested time with the environmental group Riverkeeper and is interested in nonprofit organizations and public policy.

damn, girl.

Anna Nicole, 1967 - 2007

MSNBC is showing video right now of pre-Trimspa Anna Nicole Smith stuffing her face, interspersed with shots of her ass.

This begs the question: When will our sad, corrupt society crumble into the sea?

WHOA

i'm insanely jealous.

contest!

recently, my friends and i gathered to put an end to a neverending dilemma slash source of great angst: shitty captions in the new yorker cartoon caption contest. as i have said in the past, if you're not a part of the solution, then you, my friend, sure are part of the problem. that hazy photo above was the most recent cartoon sans caption (deadline feb 4th). the contest became a little more exciting, as the website was down from february 3-4.

of course, i wrote the new yorker letting them know of the problem:
From: [redacted]
Date: Feb 4, 2007 11:53 AM
Subject: website problem
To: CaptionContest@newyorker.com

To whom it may concern:

The URL for the cartoon caption contest does not work. Will today remain the deadline for the caption contest? Thank you.

Yours,

---
alas, the new yorker wrote back!

From: TNY, Caption Contest
Date: Feb 6, 2007 11:58 AM
Subject: Re: website problem
To: [redacted]

Dear Caption Contest Participant,

Thank you for taking the time to write. There were some technical problems with the contest web page this weekend and we apologize if you were unable to enter before the deadline. Normally we do not accept captions submitted via e-mail, but in this case we are making an exception and will be reviewing e-mailed captions from people who had a trouble submitting. Sorry again for the confusion, and we hope you will continue to enjoy the contest.

Sincerely,
The Cartoon Department

---
Score! I submitted the following entries posthaste:

1) If you wanted a domestic partner so badly, we could have moved to New Jersey.
2) Your homeowner's policy doesn't cover hangnails.
3) My god, what happened to your foot?
4) I would have understood if you had said you were getting a man-icure!
5) For $250 an hour do I at least get to keep the clippings?
6) How could I have let this go on for so long?
7) Have you had enough of the wild side?
8) I don't think that webcam is on.
9) Are you ready to come home now?

we are ready for our framed cartoon, new yorker!

The Doodie Family

In reference to the whole murderous, diapered astronaut story that blogger E brought to my attention, our friend Nadine noted the journalistic predilection for strange euphemisms ("maximum-absorbency garments," sayeth CNN). That being the case, what gives, BBC? Has your well run dry? This article--which sister of cold4thestreets brought to light--uses a COMMON AND DEEPLY OFFENSIVE SLUR rather gratuitously, and pretty obviously for laughs. Apparently, said slur, in addition to being a term for a bundle of sticks, is also in Britain the name of a disgusting fruit-of-the-swine-based dish.

I share the article not because I find the repeated use of the term funny. Far from it. This isn't one of those unfortunate examples of earnest journalism turned to putty in this reader's dirty mind. It's evidence that the western world's most revered news institution can be very cheeky in an uncomfortable sort of way, is totally oblivious to how its readers will interpret what it offers as news, or is totally lacking in propriety. I mean, we can't chalk up my qualms to just cultural differences--there is something seriously weird going on here, right? The article is meant to be funny not just because the Doodie family is totally batshit, but because of the word itself and its myriad of meanings. Or am I being too sensitive?

>:(

so i'm becoming increasingly annoyed at all the marketing and buzz-generating tactics that arcade fire are wielding in advance of their album, neon bible. yes, i'm too annoyed to create links.

note(s) to the arcade fire
#1: please just have more shows in the city
#2: your album's been leaked all over the internets already, so don't pretend to give us the lyrics now
#3: you're becoming dangerously close to radiohead in terms of self-aggrandizing tendencies. just stop it please.

also, who saw last week's 30 rock with paul reubens? cold4thestreets, thanks for recommending this show. gift that keeps on giving, methinks.

morning inspiration

yo cold4thestreets, how come pinkisthenewblog wasn't included in the list of links?

it's freezing in the city this morning (like -7F fahrenheit or something equally ungodly), which makes going to work seem even less attractive. i feel this is the perfect setting for a snippet from one of my favorite recent gifts, the hipster haiku:

gone, gone are the days
when we spoke derisively
of nine-to-five jobs

Do you think if you go to prison you'll get your hair cut?

So, I'm a little slow on the uptake with this one. Or rather, slow to blog about it, but apparently, the Cartoon Network is pursuing some sort of joint venture with Al-Quaeda or something. Having grossly underestimated the histrionics that people and municipalities descend into when presented with strange, wire-laden boxes (especially ones affixed suspiciously to bridges and other such public spaces) the marketing geniuses who were arrested for what was ultimately an ill-fated attempt at trying to schill for Aqua Teen Hunger Force had some interesting thoughts on the matter (See the video below). No matter what your view on our War on the Abstract, Non-Descript Notion Known as "Terror," it should hearten you not in the least to know that Boston police marshalled the forces it did in response to a multi-city advertising campaign that Seattle authorities said was "obviously not suspicious."

infinite pest

a friend of mine recently turned my attention to this DFW new yorker story. i normally don't read the fiction in the new yorker (yes, i realize the new yorker began as a primarily literary magazine and at one point it even featured TWO short stories. i don't care), but i gave this one a shot.

for the record, i really enjoyed a supposedly fun thing i will never do again. i tried infinite jest numerous times, but gave up, blaming DFW for being a navel gazing self-indulgent blowhard, instead of realizing that perhaps i don't have an attention span, period.

in any case, this story just seemed hollow and false to me. perhaps his widely publicized bio as a brilliant young white straight male of privilege (macarthur genius grant, blahblahblah) leads me to believe that he is parodying these two young naifs to some degree. i don't know. admittedly, i have a tendency to read too much into an author's upbringing (case in point: flannery o'connor). nonetheless, and perhaps at the risk of raising cold4the(da?)streets's ire, i am going to stand my ground.

or maybe i'm still harboring resentment because his publicity photo led me to believe he was hot.

btw bob mankoff, your cartoon caption contest website is down and the deadline is today.

for the awkward moments of your lives...

my new thought is that this blog needs a regular feature. something the readers will look forward to. so herein begins my first installment of "blogger E's awkward moments at work." those of you who communicate with me on a regular basis know my life is full of these moments.

the most recent was when i called someone i work with (who is senior to me) to ask him a question.

him: "oh, E! my favorite person at this firm!"
me: [silence]
him: "hm, i guess you don't feel the same way."
me: "uh, i have a question for you."

Once when I was in middle school, this kid in my class named Ricky Morse built a hovercraft for the science fair. it was like a wooden table top with some mechanical doo-hickies on it. Ricky worked on it with his dad, who was the school's physics teacher, and it was totally awesome. Anyway, having a real hovercraft would kick a lot of ass, though not as much ass as having an individual rocket-fueled jet-pack.