what's happening in new york?

ha ha. good pun, new york post.

hizzoner4life enjoys a snack (is it kosher? ay-o!)

things i thought i would miss about new york: part 1

miss new york city not, my child. the lord shall provide.

(view outside my office window yesterday)

things i will miss about nyc: part 3

oh new york post. you've given me so much joy over the years. who can forget "king of swing," your headline for saddam hussein's execution by hanging? or all of those racist and homophobic sean delonas cartoons? i realize that i can read you online wherever i may be, but nothing will beat the chuckle you elicit whenever i pass by you at the news stand.

[ed note. in case you were wondering, the above was indeed the actual headline after the US game. and no, i'm not laughing over the central park tragedy, obvs, but the juxtaposition is quite something else.]

things i will miss about nyc: part 2

for some reason, many things i will miss about new york involve the world cup. why? i dunno, i like the unabashed national pride (caveat: unless it involves germany. because few things are scarier than a stadium full of germans chanting "deutschland"). i like that you can find a representation of virtually every nation involved. and it gives you an opportunity to engage strangers in conversation with impunity.

anyway, here is a video of the half-time dance party that broke out at this brazilian restaurant where i watched the "match." what? we have 15 minutes? let's get the DJ out! i always secretly suspected that brazilians were having way more fun than the rest of us, and it turns out that's absolutely true.

things i will miss about nyc: part 1

i went into a bodega on sat night and the proprietor, who definitely was not argentinian, was wearing a messi jersey. he told me all about how messi grew up super poor, had some defect that stunted his growth, is still only about 167cm. best player in the world and only 22-years-old! all in all, informative stuff.

i asked him, "hmm, but how come he has such terrible hair?"

he seemed stymied, as if the thought really hadn't occurred to him. that kind of reaction i expect in queens, where every 5th person seems to be on rollerblades and the men douse themselves in axe body spray, but i was in manhattan. not as fashion-forward as i thought, i guess.

Not Music Video of the Day: Jay-Z, Alicia Keys, "Empire State of Mind"

This is the new-ish Jay-Z video. It is trash. And you know, that's fine. Sling that trash, Rake in that cash. Respect. See what I did there? I made a stupid rhyme, but that rhyme is better -- lyrically, syntactically, rhythmically, what have you -- than any one couplet in this song. In fact, I don't even know why I said "couplet." This is essentially a mad-libbed series of non-sequitirs sprung from random New York-based touchstones, and strung against a mis-matched beat. This song is vile, vile trash.

First of all, Jay-Z, you live in Alpine, New Jersey. That's just the cold, hard facts. Stop fronting. You live in a villa designed by I.M. Pei with your purebred Himalayans, with hundred dollar bills in your pillowsacks, and with Beyonce Knowles. (She makes good music videos, fyi.) That is a good life you lead, especially considering you were handed nothing and you used to sling crack in the Marcy Projects. You harnessed this God-given gift for beat and flow (see here) and made art, and then you took this art and married it to a preternatural business acumen, and created an empire. You are in like the top 100 humans, Jay-Z. So what the fuck? You took a city that counts you among its favorite sons and made an undignified whore of it.

Here are the "New York" references you make in this song: DeNiro (ed's note: What is going on with that guy?), Frank Sinatra, Brooklyn, Tribeca, Harlem, Dominican people, the Knicks, the still New Jersey Nets (cross-promotion!), yellow cabs, gypsy cabs, dollar cabs, Afrika Bambaataa, and the World Trade Center. Literally, these are the references somebody from Dubuque would make of New York, based on his experience watching an afternoon of I Love the 70's and thumbing through a coffee table book from grandma's house.  Please, Jay-Z, stop. There is only so much vicarious embarrassment I can take.

Now, as far as that Alicia Keys hook:

Concrete jungle where dreams are made of,
There's nothing you can’t do,
Now you're in New York!!!
These streets will make you feel brand new,
the lights will inspire you,
Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York

I mean no disrespect when I say this. Alicia Keys, you made a really sweet, quietly sexy, authentically New York video where you captured the nuances of unrequited love, begun in a coffee shop on 39th and Lennox, that then blossoms in the wake of a broken-up, uptown houseparty. You are a good singer! And you got Mos in your video, before he went crazy. But now -- and again, no disrespect -- you really need to kill yourself.