quote of the day

me to associate: how old is that guy anyway?

associate: oh, he's really old, like THIRTY-FOUR.

[i look at him]

associate: oh no, are you thirty-four?

Quote of the Day

“He’s been riding our coattails since 9/11 like he did something. He did nothing. He showed up to funerals. So what? He’s a self-promoter. I told my wife, ‘Anything that ever happens, I don’t want him at my funeral.’" -- New York City Firefighter John Walsh on America's Fame-Whoring, Cousin-Defiling, Cross-Dressing, War-Mongering, Squeegee-Hating, Abortionist Mayor

Quotes of the Day: Charles Barkley Edition

The arduous NBA season, which every year seems to interest me less and less, at least gives way to the playoffs come April, which means I watch a little bit of it, and, more important, get to be entertained by TNT's coverage of the event. Most of my joy is directly attributable to one Charles Barkley, who's so brash, so quick-witted, so genuinely himself all the time, he might be without peer in the pre-packaged, market-tested world of television. This week Barkley decided to direct his big and unforgiving mouth to the Golden State Warriors, their fans, the city of Oakland, and all of Northern California--just for his own amusement.

When Golden State beat the heavily favored Dallas Mavericks in the first game, Barkley announced that Dallas would win the next four. Golden State, however, has gone on to an astonishing 3-1 lead in the best of seven series, and are on the verge of eliminating the top-seeded Mavericks. When confronted with the fact of his foot in his mouth, Barkley didn't back down, adding fuel to the fire by saying, "The long national nightmare continues." When the jumbotron in Oakland showed the Warriors' mascot hitting Barkeley with a pie in the face, he responded, "I'd rather live in Alcatraz than San Francisco or Oakland." When TNT put up a fake, presidential-style, state-by-state infographic poll of public opinion on him, coloring the map with a sea of red, anti-Barkeley sentiment, he shrugged and said, "Those people are Republicans. They screwed up the whole country" --which is interesting also because of his former political affiliations.

The only point of this post is that the man is a treasure trove and is maybe the most charismatic figure in American sports and needs to be given a more prominent platform. Here are some favorite Barkley quotes:

• We don't need refs, but I guess white guys need something to do.
• My family got all over me because they said Bush is only for the rich people. Then I reminded them, 'Hey, I'm rich.'
  
• I love Sam Cassell. He's a great guy...but he does look like E.T.
• They say it about brothers, but I can guarantee everybody in Finland look alike.
• Jerry Krause must have pictures of his boss' wife having sex with a monkey [on Jerry Krause staying on as General Manager of the Bulls after some disastrous personnel decisions].
• All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine [on his academic achievements in college].
• I’m bilingual. I speak profanity and English.
• I don’t listen to the refs. I don’t listen to anyone who makes less money than I do.

In an age when everyone is careful about what they say or careless and faux-apologetic post-facto, it's nice that there's a place for a guy like Barkley.

Quote of the Day: March Madness Edition

On this, the eve of the most wonderful day of the year, I am reminded of something former Utah basketball coach--and current ESPN commentator--Rick Majerus (pictured) once said to his colleague--and former Duke hero--Jay Bilas. At the Maui Invitational in 2005, a pre-season event at which all, coaches and commentators alike, tend to wear--what else?--Hawaiian shirts, Bilas decided to be an uppity bitch and sported a polo instead. Majerus' response? "Jay, only a guy who gets out of the shower to take a piss would wear a shirt like that." And with that, my final Four predictions: Florida, Georgetown, Texas A&M, and Kansas--with Georgetown--my first love, woman or basketball team--winning it all.

Quote of the Day

"Life is fair. Some people have talent. Others get prizes." -- Julie Phillips, quoting the subject of her own National Book Critics Circle award-winning biography, science fiction writer Alice B. Sheldon, at yesterday's NBCC Awards.