"you're going to love this neighborhood, E. it's really gentrified"

the above is what a real estate broker told me when i was looking for an apartment in the BK. ouch. was it my american apparel attire that tipped him off?

yes, i get that the BK is not the rough and tumble borough of yesteryear. it is now a veritable smörgåsbord of babies, bugaboo strollers, doggies, yoga mats and white people. how is every tousle-haired lad and lass able to afford a $600+ stroller? what's up with the f train anyway? i once saw one dude on my commute to work reading edward said's orientalism. c'mon now. why not just wear your m.phil. instead?

i usually enjoy "the hunt," a schadenfreude-tastic column in the times' real estate section. it usually features some hapless high-income individual who decides to leave behind the frenzied world of his/her midtown high-rise to the serene confines of his/her UES high-rise. this week's was priceless. i thought for sure gawker would tear it apart, but since they left this void, i will fill it.

long story short, some guy named beau frank was paying over $3K/month for his soho apartment and decided it was time to buy, buy, buy. here are some pointers for you sad sacks who have yet to become landed gentry. [ed note: what is wrong with you?]

1) he decided to take a risk: “From what I’d heard, Brooklyn was an O.K. place. I knew nothing about it, so I went off word of mouth.”

2) he knew what he wanted and was unwilling to compromise his high standards: Last year, he began the hunt at the Court Street Lofts in Carroll Gardens. He loved the enormous space, but the neighborhood seemed drab. He much preferred Williamsburg, which felt to him suitably like Manhattan.

3) seriously dudes, don't fuck with this one; he's onto you: “I am spending three-quarters of a million dollars and there is no elevator?”

4) enlist help from people who really get you: “He is a hip guy; he needs to be in prime Williamsburg,” [his broker] said.

5) and hey, you can't have everything, so be willing to bend a little: He decided he could live without a fireplace and could tolerate the industrial edge to the neighborhood.

and in case you didn't read the article but wanted to see just what satisfied mr. frank, go right ahead. seriously, you should click on the link. here is a sneak peek: Williamsburg. It's very name evokes all that is happening, all that is hip.