Ah ha, Hush That Fuss/Everybody Get to the Back of the Bus...

A few years ago, Sarah Vowell of This American Life fame noted that peculiar habit some wronged blowhards have of comparing themselves to Rosa Parks (pictured) everytime they take a stand at their book-club meeting or refuse to let a car merge in front of them. What inspired her were these words, from the mouth of some low-grade country singer: "In France it was Joan of Arc; in the Crimea it was Florence Nightingale; in the deep south there was Rosa Parks; in India there was Mother Teresa, and in Florida there was Katherine Harris." Now, the insanity that inheres in such puffery need not be expounded on here--Vowell, a mighty genius, does it much better than I could anyway--but I wonder if there is a new and even stranger rhetorical-metaphorical trend blossoming right before our eyes. I swear this is the last I will say of the Duke non-rapists, but could it be that they are the symbol de rigueur for the injustices that celebrity idiots (or their counsel) think they've suffered?

• Consider the lawyer for gun-toting Coney Island legend and soon to be fired Celtic Sebastian Telfair: "It always bothers me when you punish a guy so severely before there's been a finding of fact. I think that's wrong whether it happens in Durham (N.C) or in Boston."
• Consider Tom DeLay, who really wants you to know that the shitstorm he set into motion is happening in Texas: "I’m presently under indictment for laws that don’t exist in Texas by a Nifong [disgraced prosecutor in the Duke case] of Texas called Ronnie Earle, undermining our justice system here in Texas."
• And consider the lawyer for Paul Wolfowitz: "I am very worried about the rush to judgment. We just had a wonderful example of that in the Duke lacrosse case. I have reviewed the essential documents, and I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that Mr. Wolfowitz exercised good faith and that everything he did was in the best interests of the bank."

Bringing it all full-circle, I will leave you with this. Prince of the blowhards Tucker Carlson wants you to know that just because the NAACP got involved in her case, " [t]hat doesn't make the accuser [in the Duke rape case] Rosa Parks."

i'm gonna be so rich my grandkids are gonna play lacrosse!

i forgot to bring reading material on my commute to work, which forced me to read over other people's shoulders. kind of a blessing in disguise, since i never would've discovered this otherwise. way to go, kid! perhaps you can gain access to that co-op in the sky after all.

Get Your Mind Correct

Presidential campaigns are really bizarre for a number of reasons, as we all know. In the course of seeking the presidency, your honorable military service can be torpedoed by a bunch of partisan zombies who didn't actually serve with you, your pre-Angelina adoption of a Bangladeshi orphan can cost you the South Carolina primary, and you might find yourself in Des Moines, going through puberty while screaming "Yeeeaaah!" into a microphone. These are examples of the kind of scrutiny you haven't invited on yourself. They're also known as smear campaigns.

But then, there's that other kind of scrutiny. The kind you seek out. Rudy Giuliani (pictured)--perhaps the most attention-starved man this side of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad--knows what I'm talking about: After all, as mayor of New York he saw fit to hold press conferences to decry suicide bombers in the Middle East and to announce the dissolution of his marriage (without consulting his soon-to-be-ex first). His media whorishness--which makes Chuck Schumer look like a wallflower--reached fever pitch of course on September 11th, when lo and behold, without him having to ask, the world's cameras voluntarily turned to him. His brave choice not to disintegrate into histrionics--which, as I recall, can be said of almost every other New Yorker as well--has earned him a Bush-style free pass. But I digress...

You run for President and everything you say takes on new import. Knowing that, why on God's green earth is Barack Obama opining about the civil rights of the three Duke lacrosse players. Yes, it's pretty obvious Mike Nifong, the Durham County District Attorney, hid exculpatory evidence in pursuing his case, violated North Carolina's rules of professional conduct with his inappropriate comments, and drummed up racial tensions so that he could win re-election. These kids were hosed. I have no doubt about that. But it's also pretty clear that they're members of a dishonorable organization, a team that's pretty comfortable with racism and misogyny. (Listen to the 911 calls). I am not saying you reap what you sow. Nifong's an asshole. But so are these kids (though they're not rapists), and in an age when scores of non-assholes have their civil rights routinely trampled on, how is this a cause celebre?

Obama, you need to stay out of this. If you want to be President, your plate should be full already, with things like health care, which you seem to have no imagination about. Ain't no votes in the rape case, son. Get your mind correct...