OSCARS - LIVE BLOG

8:33 -- Why does Ron Silver look older than Peter O'Toole?
8:44 -- No joke here, but with that dress, Nicole Kidman is in stage two of the ten-step Britney Spears meltdown process.
8:50 -- Maggie Gylenhaal is a shoe-in if they ever make a live-action, all-female version of Alvin and the Chipmunks.
8:55 -- Helen Mirren vs. Jack Black in a fight would be hot.
9:01 -- Forcing kids to be cute/funny is cruel.
9:05 -- Jack Nicholson is going to be really great in the Telly Savalis biopic.
9:14 -- How do they do a whole bit on a capella sound effects for the movies, and the guy from Police Academy is nowhere in sight?
9:16 -- How can you win for sound effects editing and be the human equivalent of white noise?
9:20 --Four generations of sound mixers? Doesn't that predate, like, electricity?
9:25 -- Okay, It looks like it's going to be a long night for me. My first major pick--Eddie Murphy--goes down in flames. Thank God he can take solace in the fact that he can strap on a fat-suit and a wig, and make a gajillion dollars. Congratulations, will.i.tran...
9:27 -- Commenter J. points out that Scorsese has some Williamsburg-approved hipster frames; Blogger E says she saw him at a Shins concert.
9:35 -- Melissa Etheridge's music makes me want to drive my Hummer into an oil refinery.
9:39 -- Commenter J. says, "If there's an Academy Award for gaining weight, Al Gore would win it."
9:45 -- Blogger E points out that the best animated movie guy is like Beethoven if he were reincarnated as a penguin.
9:46 -- These set pieces are going on for really long. How many clips from Bullets Over Broadway do we need?
9:50 -- Tom Hanks makes me wish I drove my Hummer into him instead.
9:55 -- Is Kevin Smith going to be jealous that his stoner brother just won an Academy Award?
10:00 -- Good Morning America is going to do a special on Bob Woodruff apparently. He is going to talk about "love, courage, and healing." He went to Michigan Law School, Blogger E says. Michigan taught me those things when I was there, adds Commenter J.
10:05 -- Anne Hathaway is really pasty; another foreigner wins; Bayrex notes her equestrian outfit, and asks, "Where's her pony?" will.i.tran, with this costume win for Marie Antoinette, I think I'm beating you now.
10:06 -- Tom Cruise presents an award; inexplicably Oprah doesn't win. Blogger E perplexed. Commenter A wonders how Tom Cruise can give an award to someone who believes in medicine. Some hot, older woman from Paramount talks about Teach For America, the Red Cross, the healing power of movies.
10:14 -- Gwynneth Paltrow copies Nicole Kidman's asymmetrical, blown-out split-ends hairdo. But where is her fake British accent, asks Blogger E.
10:32 -- The Lives of Others. We get it. Most contrarian Oscars ever.
10:40 -- Does George Clooney sleep in a tuxedo?
10:43 -- Major upset. The guy who played Stan in the Golden Girls doesn't win documentary short. will.i.tran, you might be winning now. Bookbinder, my Golden Girls picks are looking ill-advised in hindsight.
10:50 -- So, Al Gore gets to win twice -- once with Leo, and once for real.
10:55 --Is there a joke that can be made about Celine Dion that hasn't yet?
11:05 -- Clint Eastwood is uniquely positioned to translate for Ennio Morricone, since he's really good with languages, especially Japanese.
11:15 -- Oh my God. Little Miss Sunshine continues to outlive its welcome.
11:16 -- Chris Connelly is like a cockroach. He won't die. MTV to ESPN to the Academy Awards.
11:30 -- Celine Dion, and now Melissa Etheridge wins. Seriously, what is wrong with these people?
11:38 -- What's with this montage? How great American culture and Superman are, says friend B.
11:45 -- Another win for The Departed. will.i.tran, my picks are looking good....The Departed is heading for a collision course with Miss Sunshine. Go, Marty...
11:46 -- OMG! Dead people? Does Ann Nicole get honored? DOES SHE??? Commenter J. asks, "Do they do different dead people every year?"
11:50 -- No Anna Nicole in the dead people montage. Heartless Hollywood elites.
11:55 -- Whoah, Philip Seymour Hoffman is going to play the lead in the Nick Nolte/drunk driving movie, I guess, but why show up in character?
11:58 -- How come Judi Dench looks like Helen Mirren's mother?
12:00 -- Y. pissed off. Chris Connelly just reminded her she has to buy the donuts for work tomorrow. But her crush on him swells...
12:01 -- OMG! Reese would play Simon to Maggie Gylenhaal's Alvin in the Chipmunks movie.
12:05 -- will.i.tran, a valiant effort, but no love for Lawrence of Arabia. You must remember, when Ghost Dog goes up against orientalist-colonialists, always bet on black.
12:06 -- Blogger E thinks Will Smith is going to cry...then play Forrest Whitaker in his next biopic.
12:07 -- Coppola, Lucas, and Spielberg all come on stage in descending order of girth.
12:10 -- Scorsese!!! Nerdfest!
12:15 -- Diane Keaton has really let herself go. I think she might have gained a pound since last year.
12:16 -- Vindication: The Departed. And I don't want to hear any complaints about the ending. It was genius.
12:20-12:50 - Futile attempts at finding a cab in Williamsburg.