Monday, February 26, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
8:44 -- No joke here, but with that dress, Nicole Kidman is in stage two of the ten-step Britney Spears meltdown process.
8:50 -- Maggie Gylenhaal is a shoe-in if they ever make a live-action, all-female version of Alvin and the Chipmunks.
8:55 -- Helen Mirren vs. Jack Black in a fight would be hot.
9:01 -- Forcing kids to be cute/funny is cruel.
9:05 -- Jack Nicholson is going to be really great in the Telly Savalis biopic.
9:14 -- How do they do a whole bit on a capella sound effects for the movies, and the guy from Police Academy is nowhere in sight?
9:16 -- How can you win for sound effects editing and be the human equivalent of white noise?
9:20 --Four generations of sound mixers? Doesn't that predate, like, electricity?
9:25 -- Okay, It looks like it's going to be a long night for me. My first major pick--Eddie Murphy--goes down in flames. Thank God he can take solace in the fact that he can strap on a fat-suit and a wig, and make a gajillion dollars. Congratulations, will.i.tran...
9:27 -- Commenter J. points out that Scorsese has some Williamsburg-approved hipster frames; Blogger E says she saw him at a Shins concert.
9:35 -- Melissa Etheridge's music makes me want to drive my Hummer into an oil refinery.
9:39 -- Commenter J. says, "If there's an Academy Award for gaining weight, Al Gore would win it."
9:45 -- Blogger E points out that the best animated movie guy is like Beethoven if he were reincarnated as a penguin.
9:46 -- These set pieces are going on for really long. How many clips from Bullets Over Broadway do we need?
9:50 -- Tom Hanks makes me wish I drove my Hummer into him instead.
9:55 -- Is Kevin Smith going to be jealous that his stoner brother just won an Academy Award?
10:00 -- Good Morning America is going to do a special on Bob Woodruff apparently. He is going to talk about "love, courage, and healing." He went to Michigan Law School, Blogger E says. Michigan taught me those things when I was there, adds Commenter J.
10:05 -- Anne Hathaway is really pasty; another foreigner wins; Bayrex notes her equestrian outfit, and asks, "Where's her pony?" will.i.tran, with this costume win for Marie Antoinette, I think I'm beating you now.
10:06 -- Tom Cruise presents an award; inexplicably Oprah doesn't win. Blogger E perplexed. Commenter A wonders how Tom Cruise can give an award to someone who believes in medicine. Some hot, older woman from Paramount talks about Teach For America, the Red Cross, the healing power of movies.
10:14 -- Gwynneth Paltrow copies Nicole Kidman's asymmetrical, blown-out split-ends hairdo. But where is her fake British accent, asks Blogger E.
10:32 -- The Lives of Others. We get it. Most contrarian Oscars ever.
10:40 -- Does George Clooney sleep in a tuxedo?
10:43 -- Major upset. The guy who played Stan in the Golden Girls doesn't win documentary short. will.i.tran, you might be winning now. Bookbinder, my Golden Girls picks are looking ill-advised in hindsight.
10:50 -- So, Al Gore gets to win twice -- once with Leo, and once for real.
10:55 --Is there a joke that can be made about Celine Dion that hasn't yet?
11:05 -- Clint Eastwood is uniquely positioned to translate for Ennio Morricone, since he's really good with languages, especially Japanese.
11:15 -- Oh my God. Little Miss Sunshine continues to outlive its welcome.
11:16 -- Chris Connelly is like a cockroach. He won't die. MTV to ESPN to the Academy Awards.
11:30 -- Celine Dion, and now Melissa Etheridge wins. Seriously, what is wrong with these people?
11:38 -- What's with this montage? How great American culture and Superman are, says friend B.
11:45 -- Another win for The Departed. will.i.tran, my picks are looking good....The Departed is heading for a collision course with Miss Sunshine. Go, Marty...
11:46 -- OMG! Dead people? Does Ann Nicole get honored? DOES SHE??? Commenter J. asks, "Do they do different dead people every year?"
11:50 -- No Anna Nicole in the dead people montage. Heartless Hollywood elites.
11:55 -- Whoah, Philip Seymour Hoffman is going to play the lead in the Nick Nolte/drunk driving movie, I guess, but why show up in character?
11:58 -- How come Judi Dench looks like Helen Mirren's mother?
12:00 -- Y. pissed off. Chris Connelly just reminded her she has to buy the donuts for work tomorrow. But her crush on him swells...
12:01 -- OMG! Reese would play Simon to Maggie Gylenhaal's Alvin in the Chipmunks movie.
12:05 -- will.i.tran, a valiant effort, but no love for Lawrence of Arabia. You must remember, when Ghost Dog goes up against orientalist-colonialists, always bet on black.
12:06 -- Blogger E thinks Will Smith is going to cry...then play Forrest Whitaker in his next biopic.
12:07 -- Coppola, Lucas, and Spielberg all come on stage in descending order of girth.
12:10 -- Scorsese!!! Nerdfest!
12:15 -- Diane Keaton has really let herself go. I think she might have gained a pound since last year.
12:16 -- Vindication: The Departed. And I don't want to hear any complaints about the ending. It was genius.
12:20-12:50 - Futile attempts at finding a cab in Williamsburg.
One young attorney at a prominent New York law firm boldly stated that he would do the deed for $50,000 [correction: $5,000], prompting aghast looks from (among others) his devoted girlfriend of several years. So, assuming the following conditions,
- That the puppy would die instantly,
- That the event would take place in a world in which the act wouldn't be morally reprehensible,
- And that the money would be used to advance the cause of human rights in some form of the other,
Thursday, February 22, 2007
a few days later i was on the phone with my dad:
him: did you do anything special with your sister (who(m?) i'd been visiting) for the new year?
me: since when did we celebrate chinese new year?
him: it is not chinese! how have we raised our kids that two of you get together and neither thinks to do anything for the new year?
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
then came the infamous superbowl episode. oh wait, the show somehow became even more melodramatic and absurd with izzy and the LVAD wire fiasco. now each episode is more painful and clunky than the last, with incoherent yet completely predictable storylines. why, izzy inherited $8 million from her dead husband and there is a young patient with an exotic disease who cannot receive treatment because of those evil HMO guys? ugh.
of course, i need to remind nobody about the whole isaiah washington/TR knight imbroglio. sigh.
Monday, February 19, 2007
I saw one of these kids the other day walking along North University, and I wanted to punch him in the face, or at least cough on him with great vigor. I thought he was some flu-season paranoiac, or a foolio who took his fashion cues from all those absurd people, post-September 11th, who were walking around the Upper East Side--miles from Ground Zero--with surgical masks on. But I resisted teaching him a lesson. I simply glowered as I passed him by. Little did I know that he was blinded by science. My bad.
thank goodness gawker didn't take president's day off bc they've unveiled my new favorite feature about the vows section. i haven't been this excited since they outed that creepy dude who married the taiwanese japanese woman.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
- Michigan's Law Quadrangle is the finest living/learning environment in the world of legal education.
- The University of Michigan Law School is the international center for interdisciplinary legal scholarship and teaching.
- Ann Arbor is considered among the best places in the United States to live, work, raise children, and acquire an education.
Now I like A2 as much as the next guy--and a whole lot more than does Blogger E or Sugarpockets--but come on, people; even the 5th graders I used to teach (poorly) knew how to tell the difference between a fact and an assertion.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Friday, February 16, 2007
I don't really like posting, but I felt the need to share this gem. Obama-as-Mammy? I mean, really--is this what it's come to? I don't even know what to say--my jaw is still on the friggin floor. I fear what's to come in the next few months.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
a friend of mine recently introduced me to the renga, a collaborative poem. the first person composes the 5-7-5, then another adds 7-7.
thanks to a slow week at work, my friends and i managed to compose the following masterpieces:
1) i created this one before i realized the poem was supposed to be collaborative:
[my 2 syllable monikered friend]-san gave me
newly composed renga poem
haiku amateurs ashamed
hiding under trapper hats
2) this one was done properly:
gawker recent post
what's up with: white converse sneaks?
shame spiral ensued
they are comfy so suck it.
3) then we stopped here because we surpassed our low expectations:
Ironic beards found
On b-burg dudes' white faces
Super gay not butch
good thing i always wear my
chunky bike chain on the L
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
What I want to draw your attention to now is the email below. In the pantheon of of WTF lunch-time talks this has to take the cake. I mean, I respect people's different interests, and the members of EMALSA--insofar as they aspire to be fictional Michigan Law School alum Ari Gold--are fine by me, but representing amusement parks? Really? There are people who want to spend an hour talking about "special risk management concerns in the amusement world?" What the hell is going on? I thought this group was about how you can learn to negotiate 5% on the back-end for Tobey Maguire when Spiderman 3 comes out. Anyway, try to make sense of what's below (which I redacted because I'm not a dumbass):
Representing Amusement Parks:
A Legal Rollercoaster Ride
Partner, xxxx xxxx & xxxxx LLP
Monday, February 12, 2007
12:20 - 1:20 p.m.
Lunch will be served beginning at 12:15 p.m.
Likely Discussion Topics:
* How the role of "outside" counsel is different when representing a client such as Cedar Fair (the owners of Cedar Point amusement park) which has no in-house legal department.
* Trademark and copyright issues in the amusement park context
* Special risk management concerns in the amusement world
* An M & A case study
xxxxx xxxxx is a partner at the Cleveland office of xxxx xxxx & xxxx LLP, and was named a Rising Star in the 2005 edition of "Ohio Super Lawyers." He is a graduate of Indiana University-Bloomington Law School, where he was the associate editor of the Federal Communications Law Journal. Mr. xxxxx acts as outside legal counsel to Cedar Fair Entertainment Company, one of the largest regional amusement park operators in the world. In 2006, he represented Cedar Fair in its US$1.2 billion acquisition of the Paramount Parks from CBS Corporation. Mr. xxxxx also has significant involvement in xxxxx xxxxx & xxxxx's sports and entertainment practice, advising clients on endorsement and performance contracts and license agreements.
Blogger E suggested in another forum that maybe I'm above blogging, that maybe I've lost my blogo-chops, but fear not loyal reader (I use the singular for obvious reasons), I have not abandoned you. I was out of town over the weekend and precious little has happened since--although, apparently, the grandson of a former Iranian minister told the sitting American President (to his face) that he's nothing more than Cheney's bitch and said president could only muster a chuckle and a graceless exit in response. I guess that's worth blogging about. But the United States' inevitable war with Iran is not what's on my mind today. Less pressing matters await. For instance, what is going on with the Daily Show?
I was watching the other day and Larry Wilmore, "Senior Black Correspondent," came on to talk about Obama's blackness or lack thereof, and it got me thinking, as I have before, what is up with this? How is that a show that butters its bread with the foibles, hypocrisies, and peccadilloes of others continues to be so unapologetically lily-white? And, moreover, instead of making an effort to address its lack of diversity the show just makes light of the issue by bringing in a Senior Black Correspondent to talk about things related to black people--that annoying, knowing, well we can't be racist if we make fun of ourselves this way attitude that I hate. Republished on ColbertNation, but originally posted somewhere else, a comedian recalls a Christmas party conversation with a Daily Show Writer who, when asked about the stunning lack of diversity on the show, said,"We tried a black guy once, but it didn't work out."
Of course, I am going to continue to watch the Daily Show, and continue to marvel at its spot-on mockery of the smug, the lame, and the evil. And of course, as a South Asian person, I was happy to see that Aasif Mandvi had even a bit role on the show, but Jesus Christ, Jon Stewart, you need to get your head out of your ass with this one. You subject us to John Oliver almost nightly--a man who has never told a joke that wasn't followed by the distant chirping of crickets--but you can't hire any real black or Hispanic correspondents for fear that it might not work out? I realize that comedy is an old-boys' network, but so is politics--and time and again the Daily Show has taken politics to task for exactly that reason. As Clarice Starling once said to Hannibal Lecter, "Why don't you turn that high-powered perception at yourself and tell us what you see, or, maybe you're afraid to."
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
2) reunification of fleetwood mac
3) JANET RENO DANCE PARTY
4) hilary as quasi-socialist instead of hilary as hawk
not to mention:
In 1996, Rodi Alvarado, a young Guatemalan, sought asylum because, she claimed, her husband had brutally beat her and had repeatedly raped and sodomized her. Moreover, the Guatemalan authorities had refused to protect her, saying it was a domestic matter. Like Vallabhaneni, she so feared for her life that she left her children behind and fled to the U.S. There has been profound disagreement among U.S. authorities over how to deal with Alvarado, whose credibility was never in question. An immigration judge granted her asylum, but the government attorneys appealed to the Board of Immigration Appeals, which ruled that Alvarado’s husband didn’t brutalize her because she was a woman but rather because she was his wife. The board ordered her removed to Guatemala. Then Attorney General Janet Reno stepped in, as she was permitted to do, and vacated Alvarado’s deportation order. In her last days in office, Reno also proposed a set of regulations that recognized that a credible claim for asylum could be made based on domestic violence if it was severe and if the country in question was unwilling to do anything about such abuse.
i hate you, alberto gonzales.
Monday, February 12, 2007
1) a dog was tied up outside of a restaurant. this dog appeared to be shivering pretty badly and it was crouched up into a ball, presumably trying to keep itself warm. the sight sort of haunted me afterwards. my friend tried to convince me that dogs don't really get that cold, but this dog looked pretty freaking cold to me.
2) a man was walking his 3-legged dog down the street. the poor dog was hobbling along!
then came paul & joe, luella bartley, etc. : all crap.
can't say i'm exactly holding my breath for proenza schouler's new line.
on an unrelated note, i recently tried to watch american dream (speaking of barbara kopple, i can't wait for shut up and sing to come out on dvd) and found it quite depressing. we thought the state of labor unions was bad in the 80s and look at us now. oh samuel gompers, where have you gone?! [ed note: this is no way endorsing gompers's offensive stance on immigration.]
speaking of documentaries, if you haven't watched the Up Series, please start. i found 49 Up to be the most affecting of the lot.
Friday, February 9, 2007
now to the title of this post. i know all kinds of random trivia about pre-mid-90s sports (did you know that pedro martinez started with the montreal expos?), but admittedly, my sports knowledge is pretty antiquated. i stopped caring about sports at around 1994, when the vancouver canucks lost the stanley cup finals to the (gag) new york rangers in seven games. it shattered me. i think due to this trauma, i rarely read the sports pages.
i randomly turned to the nyt sports section the other day and saw this article. despite the fact that the names leetch, graves, messier and richter make me throw up a little in my mouth, you gotta appreciate a goalie who decided to do this post-retirement:
Richter has navigated his transition by enrolling at Yale and working toward a degree in ethics, politics and economics; he will finish either this year or next. He works with Yale’s goalies as a volunteer assistant and also helps coach his 6-year-old son’s hockey team. He and his wife, Veronica, have two other sons, ages 4 and 2.
Being forced to retire left Richter feeling as if he had been robbed of the end of his career. But he said Yale had given him structure, a goal and time to spend with his family. He has not decided on his next career, he said, but he has invested time with the environmental group Riverkeeper and is interested in nonprofit organizations and public policy.damn, girl.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
of course, i wrote the new yorker letting them know of the problem:
Date: Feb 4, 2007 11:53 AM
Subject: website problem
To whom it may concern:
The URL for the cartoon caption contest does not work. Will today remain the deadline for the caption contest? Thank you.
alas, the new yorker wrote back!
From: TNY, Caption Contest
Date: Feb 6, 2007 11:58 AM
Subject: Re: website problem
The Cartoon Department
Score! I submitted the following entries posthaste:
1) If you wanted a domestic partner so badly, we could have moved to New Jersey.
2) Your homeowner's policy doesn't cover hangnails.
3) My god, what happened to your foot?
4) I would have understood if you had said you were getting a man-icure!
5) For $250 an hour do I at least get to keep the clippings?
6) How could I have let this go on for so long?
7) Have you had enough of the wild side?
8) I don't think that webcam is on.
9) Are you ready to come home now?
we are ready for our framed cartoon, new yorker!
In reference to the whole murderous, diapered astronaut story that blogger E brought to my attention, our friend Nadine noted the journalistic predilection for strange euphemisms ("maximum-absorbency garments," sayeth CNN). That being the case, what gives, BBC? Has your well run dry? This article--which sister of cold4thestreets brought to light--uses a COMMON AND DEEPLY OFFENSIVE SLUR rather gratuitously, and pretty obviously for laughs. Apparently, said slur, in addition to being a term for a bundle of sticks, is also in Britain the name of a disgusting fruit-of-the-swine-based dish.
I share the article not because I find the repeated use of the term funny. Far from it. This isn't one of those unfortunate examples of earnest journalism turned to putty in this reader's dirty mind. It's evidence that the western world's most revered news institution can be very cheeky in an uncomfortable sort of way, is totally oblivious to how its readers will interpret what it offers as news, or is totally lacking in propriety. I mean, we can't chalk up my qualms to just cultural differences--there is something seriously weird going on here, right? The article is meant to be funny not just because the Doodie family is totally batshit, but because of the word itself and its myriad of meanings. Or am I being too sensitive?
Monday, February 5, 2007
note(s) to the arcade fire
#1: please just have more shows in the city
#2: your album's been leaked all over the internets already, so don't pretend to give us the lyrics now
#3: you're becoming dangerously close to radiohead in terms of self-aggrandizing tendencies. just stop it please.
also, who saw last week's 30 rock with paul reubens? cold4thestreets, thanks for recommending this show. gift that keeps on giving, methinks.
it's freezing in the city this morning (like -7F fahrenheit or something equally ungodly), which makes going to work seem even less attractive. i feel this is the perfect setting for a snippet from one of my favorite recent gifts, the hipster haiku:
gone, gone are the days
when we spoke derisively
of nine-to-five jobs
Sunday, February 4, 2007
So, I'm a little slow on the uptake with this one. Or rather, slow to blog about it, but apparently, the Cartoon Network is pursuing some sort of joint venture with Al-Quaeda or something. Having grossly underestimated the histrionics that people and municipalities descend into when presented with strange, wire-laden boxes (especially ones affixed suspiciously to bridges and other such public spaces) the marketing geniuses who were arrested for what was ultimately an ill-fated attempt at trying to schill for Aqua Teen Hunger Force had some interesting thoughts on the matter (See the video below). No matter what your view on our War on the Abstract, Non-Descript Notion Known as "Terror," it should hearten you not in the least to know that Boston police marshalled the forces it did in response to a multi-city advertising campaign that Seattle authorities said was "obviously not suspicious."
for the record, i really enjoyed a supposedly fun thing i will never do again. i tried infinite jest numerous times, but gave up, blaming DFW for being a navel gazing self-indulgent blowhard, instead of realizing that perhaps i don't have an attention span, period.
in any case, this story just seemed hollow and false to me. perhaps his widely publicized bio as a brilliant young white straight male of privilege (macarthur genius grant, blahblahblah) leads me to believe that he is parodying these two young naifs to some degree. i don't know. admittedly, i have a tendency to read too much into an author's upbringing (case in point: flannery o'connor). nonetheless, and perhaps at the risk of raising cold4the(da?)streets's ire, i am going to stand my ground.
or maybe i'm still harboring resentment because his publicity photo led me to believe he was hot.
btw bob mankoff, your cartoon caption contest website is down and the deadline is today.
Saturday, February 3, 2007
the most recent was when i called someone i work with (who is senior to me) to ask him a question.
him: "oh, E! my favorite person at this firm!"
him: "hm, i guess you don't feel the same way."
me: "uh, i have a question for you."
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Once when I was in middle school, this kid in my class named Ricky Morse built a hovercraft for the science fair. it was like a wooden table top with some mechanical doo-hickies on it. Ricky worked on it with his dad, who was the school's physics teacher, and it was totally awesome. Anyway, having a real hovercraft would kick a lot of ass, though not as much ass as having an individual rocket-fueled jet-pack.