Wednesday, June 30, 2010

we are all getting old

aside from not being able to sleep off a hangover anymore and scoffing at people who dress inappropriately for the weather (e.g., tight jeans when it's 90 degrees outside--yikes!) and/or wear non-sensible footwear, i think age is making me sappy.

case 1. i feel really, really sorry for the japanese world cup team. i know, dude. i keep reminding myself, hello, the occupation of korea? comfort women? for manufacturing a shite car just after my parents broke their decades-long embargo on japanese products and purchased a toyota? APOLO OHNO????

nonetheless, to go out on PKs after defying all expectations is rough. i wish soccer had sudden death.

case 2. i got all choked up over party down's season (perhaps series?) finale. i love this show because it's kind of a relentless downer, which, let's face it, life can be sometimes. you can hope against all evidence and common sense that you're going to make it out of the wilderness, but sometimes you're just going to get kicked in the ass. repeatedly. i'll divulge nothing here except to say that there was an ambiguous glimmer of semi-hope at the end of this episode.

and you know what? that shit really got to me.

finally, and most treacly, case 3. i was on the subway yesterday, standing next to this large-ish black dude wearing a do-rag, a thriller t-shirt, heavy gold jewelry and giant gold sunglasses. i normally don't talk to anyone on the subway because, y'know, i'm not a crazy person, but it would never occur to me to talk to this guy. i'll say it: he was intimidating looking and did not seem like he wanted to casually converse. yeah, that's right, even though he was seated next to a stroller with his daughter inside.

a very pregnant white woman got on the next stop with two equally white little boys. the younger one, about 4 years-old, ran up to the black man and guilelessly exclaimed, "hello!" then he proceeded to show this man and his daughter a little toy he was holding in his hand. it wasn't even anything that exciting, a mere roll of measuring tape. the man removed his earphones and spoke briefly to the boy and his daughter, who attempted to snatch the tape away. whenever the train shook, the little boy held onto the man's trunk-like legs.

i tried to think of a lot of unsavory things to steel myself against the man-in-the-mirror-ness of it all, to no avail. this shit was seriously touching.

ugh, i gotta go now. matlock is on.

Monday, June 28, 2010

things i will miss about nyc: part 3

oh new york post. you've given me so much joy over the years. who can forget "king of swing," your headline for saddam hussein's execution by hanging? or all of those racist and homophobic sean delonas cartoons? i realize that i can read you online wherever i may be, but nothing will beat the chuckle you elicit whenever i pass by you at the news stand.
[ed note. in case you were wondering, the above was indeed the actual headline after the US game. and no, i'm not laughing over the central park tragedy, obvs, but the juxtaposition is quite something else.]

Saturday, June 26, 2010

bummer all around

you know i've got to be pretty bummed to make this joke (you only need about the first 10 seconds of this video clip).

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

fun names of the world cup

nigerian coach lars lagerson
south african player siphiwe tshabalala
brazilian evangelical christian (and world phenom) kaka

those immediately come to mind. for some really incredible photos, check this out.

Monday, June 21, 2010

(Real) Music Video of the Day: Janelle Monae, "Tightrope"

Janelle Monae's album is so good, her vision for the future (and past) of hip hop so groundbreaking (while so thoroughly referential), in two years the backlash will set in and she'll be disregarded for simpler fare. For now, here's her video for "Tightrope," which is the absolute jam and which has the hottest dance moves I've seen since the "U Can't Touch This" video.

Music Video of the Day: Ron Artest, "Champions"

One of the things about Ron I've always loved -- and not to get all OG on the bandwagon jumpers, but dude's been nutty since 1997 -- is that he seems to have disregarded all hip hop culture post 1992. If you look at him in games, he refuses to wear his shorts baggy and prefers them well above the knee; he prefers Rodman-like hair dye to cornrows; he raps, but he eschews gimmicky hooks; And most important, although sometimes he dresses like this on talk shows, at other times he dresses like this (bluetooth and purple-and-gold scrubs.) Other things I love about Ron: He broke Michael Jordan's ribs, but no one talks about it; And he majored in math at St. John's. Here's his video for "Champions."

Sunday, June 20, 2010

things i will miss about nyc: part 2

for some reason, many things i will miss about new york involve the world cup. why? i dunno, i like the unabashed national pride (caveat: unless it involves germany. because few things are scarier than a stadium full of germans chanting "deutschland"). i like that you can find a representation of virtually every nation involved. and it gives you an opportunity to engage strangers in conversation with impunity.

anyway, here is a video of the half-time dance party that broke out at this brazilian restaurant where i watched the "match." what? we have 15 minutes? let's get the DJ out! i always secretly suspected that brazilians were having way more fun than the rest of us, and it turns out that's absolutely true.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Music Video of the Day: Ron Artest, "Afghan Women"

This is from last fall, but E, you may have missed it. Since you expressed some interest in the Queensbridge Killer's upcoming single, I thought you may want to check out his last video. There are some disturbing images here, so tread carefully. The point is Ron Artest is one of the weirdest, most interesting people in American sports. (Btdubs, the video's been pulled from Youtube. Based on a cursory glance of the characters, I believe this is from a Chinese website.)

park named after ron artest

let's get on that. and don't forget: his single's coming out.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

this is what a north korean press release sounds like

it's short, so i'll just copy & paste in its entirety. from where else? north korea, bien sur.

Match between DPRK and Brazil

Pyongyang, June 16 (KCNA) -- The league match of the 2010 World Cup between the DPRK and Brazil took place at dawn (Pyongyang time) on Wednesday.

From the outset of the match the two teams fought a seesaw battle. The DPRK footballers created good shooting chances, not losing their confidence even after losing two goals.

At about the 88th minute of the match Jong Tae Se headed the ball before passing it to Ji Yun Nam who powerfully kicked it into the rival's goalmouth, scoring a goal.

The DPRK team will meet its Portuguese rival on June 21.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The Post in which I Learn to Stop Worrying and Love Hockey Too

E, This is what happens when you push me to blog. I give you what you want. And we all know what you want are pictures of Alex Ovechkin rocking out in a Speedo in Turkey during the off-season. Obviously, I will have other things to share soon enough -- my solution for the oil crisis, my thoughts on racist fuckface Chuck Schumer's declaration that Gazans be taught a lesson (i.e., "strangled")  for exercising their democratic rights against America's preference; my blueprints for lithium mining in Afghanistan. It's all coming. But for now, E, please just photoshop your face onto the body of one of the lovely young ladies pictured herewith.

Monday, June 14, 2010

things i will miss about nyc: part 1

i went into a bodega on sat night and the proprietor, who definitely was not argentinian, was wearing a messi jersey. he told me all about how messi grew up super poor, had some defect that stunted his growth, is still only about 167cm. best player in the world and only 22-years-old! all in all, informative stuff.

i asked him, "hmm, but how come he has such terrible hair?"

he seemed stymied, as if the thought really hadn't occurred to him. that kind of reaction i expect in queens, where every 5th person seems to be on rollerblades and the men douse themselves in axe body spray, but i was in manhattan. not as fashion-forward as i thought, i guess.

Monday, June 7, 2010

separated at birth: british politician edition

ok, so this is more like separated by gordon brown, but don't nick clegg and david cameron look eerily alike?

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

remakes that aren't remakes

yeah ok, so i've seen the poster of "karate kid" starring son of will smith jaden and jackie chan. i just assumed that jackie chan was cast as a japanese man. chinese, japanese--not going to quibble here about details. also, jaden smith was a cute little kid.

then someone told me to read the imdb plot summary of this movie:

12-year-old Dre Parker could've been the most popular kid in Detroit, but his mother's latest career move has landed him in China. Dre immediately falls for his classmate Mei Ying - and the feeling is mutual - but cultural differences make such a friendship impossible. Even worse, Dre's feelings make an enemy of the class bully, Cheng. In the land of kung fu, Dre knows only a little karate, and Cheng puts "the karate kid" on the floor with ease. With no friends in a strange land, Dre has nowhere to turn but maintenance man Mr. Han, who is secretly a master of kung fu. As Han teaches Dre that kung fu is not about punches and parries, but maturity and calm, Dre realizes that facing down the bullies will be the fight of his life.

this isn't the work of some dork imdb user - it's the official plot summary from columbia pictures. china? kung fu? are we going to pretend this makes any sense?

also, the al-tipper separation counts as a death of sorts, no?