Tuesday, March 30, 2010

checking in with...

james franco.

it is awfully close to april fool's, but not close enough for this to be a complete joke: james franco is pursuing a phD at yale (?)! as if writing that short story and getting all them other degrees weren't enough.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Road to the Final Four, 2010

Is the blog dying? Is blogging totally 2006? Should we shift this whole enterprise to tumblr and just re-blog funny cat videos? I don't know. But I do know this. This blog has always been about art above commerce. I mean, I could really easily turn this into another Look at this Fucking Hipster or Stuff White People Like, but I have integrity. I write about what I want to write about: Here's Zach Galifianakis interviewing Ben Stiller. Here's OMG!! THAT GUY WHO CHEATED ON AMERICA'S SWEETHEART NOT NAMED JULIA ROBERTS!!. Here's Owen Wilson's video suicide note for when he tries to kill himself later this summer. (Too soon?) Art, people. Look it up on Wikipedia.

I thought about writing another post about the slow descent into corporate mediocrity encouraged by my dead end job (and the women who love them). I thought about writing about how Microsoft Outlook only displays six entries at a time, and how that's frustrating because the seventh entry is always about that court call I didn't schedule. I thought about writing about that plaintiff's lawyer who told you me my client is "despicable" and "inhumane," and how I responded, "Well, let's be forward-looking, shall we?"

But fuck it, motherfucking Duke is in the Final Four, and I am so happy right now, I am seriously considering kissing, on the mouth, every homeless person who asks me for change tomorrow morning. (Note, I will not give them change though. Teach a man to fish and all that. Tea parties!)

But here's the flip side of Duke success: Already today someone has called me "smug ass" and possessed of a "silver spoon." This week I expect a white guy to criticize Duke to me -- a person who is not a white guy -- for being too white. I expect to be called a "faggot." I expect to be told I never got laid in college by someone with no ties to Duke or North Carolina. And I expect to be told that my team's success is totally illegitimate, and that I should go fuck myself. I get it. Who wants to be responsible for America's other sweetheart having to accept that Kentucky is once again a big failure pile in a sadness bowl? Not I. But this is how it goes.


Thursday, March 18, 2010

things that are easy to despise

- asian mystic?
- black bff?
- upper-middle-class white lady finding herself in india?
- julia roberts?

why couldn't this book just remain a passing fad that once was in the hands of every 20s-40s woman on the subway? why must it live on?

Sunday, March 14, 2010

separated at birth--the british edition

c4ts--happy birthday! hope you celebrated with a little rhubarb rhubarb golf prostate.

is it me or all brits looking alike nowadays?

future husband/tony blair michael sheen.

aaaand BP CEO tony hayward.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Music Video of the Day: She & Him -- "In the Sun"

This video is exactly like Britney Spears' "Baby One More Time" video, except for one minor change. They changed it from being terrible to being great.

dream a little dream

c4ts failed to breaking news text me yet again. boner stabone and now corey haim. i suppose you can call them washed up has-beens who've not been able to contend with their new reality, but this shit is just sad, yo. it's not like you actually think about any of these people on a regular basis (except for matthew modine--what are you up to? forealz). still, you kind of expect them to just move on with their lives and i dunno, star in weird movies about the rapture. at least he's found something else to do with himself, y'know?

anyway, if you want to really spook yourself, check out this slideshow of former child stars. yay for drew barrymore?

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Zach Galifiniakis Wins the Weekend

Duke over Carolina by 32? The Hurt Locker over a really terrible movie? Charlize Theron over sartorial good taste? Me over the graveyard of dead leaves our deck had morphed into? All worthy candidates for winners of this weekend, but the Oscar goes to Zach Galifiniakis.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

the wall street journal reads my mind


Skating Downhill with Wesley Snipes

Holy shit, people. Snipes' new movie is about to drop. It's not direct to DVD either; it's going to be in movie theatres! Also, what is the one thing I love almost as much as Snipes? Brooklyn. What is the best song Jay-Z ever recorded? "Brooklyn's Finest." What is the name of the new Snipes movie? Brooklyn's Finest. 

On an aside, do you think Snipes has any thoughts on that "bad apple" (read: not terrorist) Joseph Stack who flew his plane into the IRS? Of course, you do. Here are Snipes' thoughts: “I think [tax revolt] was an issue even for the early colonists and the British, so what’s new?” Snipes is a student of colonial history! It's weird how you can love someone, and then discover new things about that person, and love them even more. And here's an interview that Snipes did recently, and, finally, New York 1 thinks 20-term U.S. Congressman (D-Harlem) Charlie Rangel is Wesley Snipes (see picture above). Look, racism is totally not cool, but sometimes, just sometimes, it's hilarious. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's the bow ties. Snipes does Capoiera. He does not wear bowties. Come on, New York 1! 

Meanwhile, Lethal Discovery, my screenplay which will be turned into a film starring Wesley Snipes, has been shelved for the moment. The special effects technology that the narrative requires just doesn't exist yet.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

we return to our regularly scheduled programming

no no, not whining. that will resume at some point, but not now.

someone recently gave me grief over my increasing interest in the wall street journal. what can i say? they're trying to become a mainstream paper instead of a stock ticker with hedcuts and yes, i have totally fallen for it. (minus their op-ed page, which i realize is certifiably insane most of the time). their in-depth treatment of the feud between england and snoop was fun to read and not just out of an overdeveloped sense of irony. it actually raised some fairly real questions about the scope of governmental powers and the business consequences of england's actions. the paper also has a rather smart and practical section with advice for small businesses and entrepreneurs, way better than anything the times offers.

also, did you know that if you google the title of a subscription-only wsj article, you can read it for free? apparently this is one of the reasons why murdoch is trying to destroy google. considering murdoch completely overpaid to acquire myspace, i don't think the google is losing sleep over murdoch's instincts about the internet.

new york magazine has a sort of tedious article on murdoch and his quest to conquer his old enemy, the new york times. and as with a lot of new york magazine articles, there is a ton of pop psychology and melodramatization (is that a word?) of family relationships. the threat of patricide is always lurking.

anyway, the point of this entire post is that i discovered this factoid through that article: did you know that james murdoch, aka heir to the murdoch megabillions and probable future of newscorp, founded rawkus, the label responsible for both talib kweli and mos def? that kind of blew my mind a little.

Monday, March 1, 2010


and because you cannot have a hockey party without a mountie...