separated at birth--the british edition

c4ts--happy birthday! hope you celebrated with a little rhubarb rhubarb golf prostate.

is it me or all brits looking alike nowadays?

future husband/tony blair michael sheen.


aaaand BP CEO tony hayward.

checking in with...

james franco. he played the sensitive punk rather well on freaks and geeks. then went onto co-star in the spider-man movies. his interview on fresh air, circa milk, was rather painful. he's pretty inarticulate despite enrolling in like 4 or 5 colleges, including, infamously, columbia.

well well well, turns out i completely underestimated him! he's operating in a meta-universe that is way beyond me.

- first, he decided to play some crazy artist on general hospital, also named franco. those who bothered to think about it probably thought, why would a pretty famous and established actor go on a soap opera?

- then he wrote an op-ed in the wall street journal (confirming my long-held suspicion that the journal is actually way more out there than the times ever will be, caveman diet or not) about how said stint on GH is actually performance art.

- asked why he went on GH in the first place, turns out he will be in a movie playing a character who used to be on a soap opera, so he decided to go on a soap opera. what??

anyway, the point of this whole post, of course, is about his role last week as himself on 30 rock. explaining his decision to play a creepy version of himself obsessed with a japanese body pillow, he said, "I thought it was pretty weird at first, but then I met Kimiko and she's so pretty and sweet. I kept her. She's at the apartment. I haven't been around for a while, so she's been a little lonely."

you win, franco. i will never doubt your career choices ever again.

oh yeah, c4ts, stop pooping on all my posts. why don't you go ahead and post your 7000 favorite songs of the aughts already.

yakov's nubian bling explosion

i happened upon this interview with donald glover (who, my mistake, is apparently not related to danny glover. is that racist, assuming that two black people in the entertainment industry with first initial D last name glover are related? his response to this question, "Most people think I'm Danny Glover's son when they meet me. So when they ask, I say 'No, I'm Crispin Glover's son.' Then we stare at each other for a long time."). even though he is only 26 he's already been a writer on 30 rock. yeah, i know, that was like his stepping stone.

[pause for moment of crippling envy]

anyway, he had this to say about tracy morgan:

The first day I met him, I had a small Afro, and he was like, “You know, if you want to get dreads, you should get your girl pregnant and put the placenta in your hair.” And I was like, “What the fuck … are you talking about?” But from that point on, I thought, Any brain that can make that up needs to be studied.

so, c4ts, as penance for not attending his reading of i am the new black, i offer these:

best terry gross interview ever

only reason why twitter should exist

EGOT

Must Desi TV

Hey, everybody. There is a hot new blog on the scene. Thoughtful vivisection of television done by brianiac grad students, Tubatv is the half brainchild of devoted reader Thumbu Sammy, who this past week makes the rather astute observation that all four of the shows comprising NBC's comedy lineup last Thursday, The Office, Parks and Recreation, The Office, and 30 Rock featured South Asian people. Yay for pop cultural presence! Boo for the fact that the South Asian people in question (pictured above)-- Aziz Ansari, Maulik Pancholy, and Mindy Kaling -- played characters named Tom, Jonathan, and Kelly respectively, just like that lady from Texas wants.

Aziz Ansari, who has been a personal favorite of mine since occasional reader Sweet Daddy Purns introduced me to him in the summer of 2005 at the Upright Citizens Brigade theater (right before his killer "Aziz Ansari Punched a Wall" show), has always eschewed the rather limiting ethno-centric style of lesser comedians, but Tom Haverford? Desi, please...Still, I hesitate to condemn after one episode; he struck gold with his "I'm what you call a redneck" line in the otherwise mediocre pilot of Parks and Rec, but gets several demerits for the following statement, which while funny and self-undermining, does nothing to explain really why the fuck he can't be of Muslim heritage on TV: The cold hard fact is that dark-skinned people with funny-sounding Muslim names just don’t make it very far in politics...Yes, OK, fine, Barack Obama, Why does everyone always bring up Barack Obama?

what is on my mind grapes?

you know, alec baldwin sounds so thoughtful in interviews that you sometimes forget that this man is permanently on the brink.

the interview was supposed to be about his new movie called "lymelife," co-starring two of the many culkin brothers (not macaulay, sorry), but of course, most of the questions centered on 30 rock. nothing too new to report, except this unexpected tidbit:

I went to an event the other day for NRDC [the Natural Resources Defense Council] and Jack Welch was there. When he told me he watched the show, I was like, "You do?" We've got to get him on the show.

hope he's better than salma hayek.

tangent: was i the only person who found most of the g20 related photos/videos totally hilarious?

the queen reprimands berlusconi:


then this kerfuffle:

hillary's reaction reminds me of angela merkel:

gordon brown can't contain his bromance:

so...what have you been up to?

i made a tribute to 30 rock. in the dark.



i cloned myself and made the worst video ever. because i hate myself.



then i tried to determine whether this video was cute, clever or just pointless.

Do I Have a God Complex?

Thanks to Anonymous Alex for pointing out the reference Jack Donaghy was making in last week's episode of 30 Rock when he confessed, "I once claimed I am God during a deposition." How I missed it I don't know since his scene from the 90's classic Malice is required viewing on day of the Intro to Alec Baldwin class we all took in college. Arent liberal arts the best! Okay, maybe not day one since that's devoted to Always Be Closing and Schweaty Balls, but still it's first week material. What did we watch on the last day of the class, you ask? What's the only a scene a survey class on the genius of Alec Baldwin can close with? You know the answer. Yes, you do. And it's right here.

unintended consequences--part 2

is the obama presidency already bumming me out?

before you unnecessarily rush to obama's defense, let me give you a list of all that either already has or probably will fall prey to obama's historic presidency:

1) pride in my citizenship - now that you all have a president who no longer embarrasses you, there go all the breathless "wow, you're so lucky to be canadian" comments directed at me. i no longer feel privileged to have the possibility of escaping the united states. let's face it: who wants to live in a country with a milquetoast leader who, in fact, is not actually the leader?

2) apathy - during the time i entered and left law school, it didn't seem to matter much what i did with my degree. the DOJ was overrun with underqualifed and overpartisan hacks, so why bother?

3) laziness - during dubya's two terms, i could care less about keeping up with the prominent bushies, like karl rove or monica goodling. who cares if john yoo is korean? look at his fat head, not to mention his abhorrent and tortured (ha!) interpretations of what constitutes torture. compared to those disappointments, having a job and being able to speak in complete sentences seemed like pretty significant accomplishments.

but now that there are intelligent, accomplished, young and motivated liberals who will make actual differences and potentially improve people's lives, man, i feel like a loser. nobody told me that i was supposed to remain optimistic during the bush years. wait til my parents discover just how many korean progressives there are.

4) voyeurism - who doesn't enjoy a good issue of us weekly or, if desperate, the new york post? but now everyone is obsessed with the obamas! as much as i think the obama girls are impossibly cute or that michelle obama dresses well, i feel kind of creepy watching the kids being dropped off at school...or their every move, really. well, it appears at least dlisted.com has remained obama-free.

and the worst of all...

5) hating on hipsters - obama's win got the billyburgers to collectively drop their knitting needles and crowd the streets with glee. fuck, who knew these people even knew how to smile?

anyway, i'm gonna resume watching those puppies now. it's the only thing keeping my spirits up nowadays. feel free to add to this list. i'm fairly certain we won't see an episode like "cooter" with the new administration.

Hating on the G-Train

Okay, enough with the Debbie Downer posts. Here's Jack Donaghy interviewing for a job at a dot com ("A little help there, Men's Wearhouse.") after Don Guise goes into a coma and Jack's future at GE gets thrown into turmoil. This is taken from the deleted scenes section from the Season 2 DVD of 30 Rock.

links i like

as written earlier, i have given up any hope. i'm not doing it to be a partypooper or to be contrarian or to jump on a bandwagon. i am just not feeling it anymore. "it" has been replaced with an overwhelming sense of doom.

so here are some funny/informative links. yay.

1) everyone luvs the guv! i really hope he ascends to a bigger platform than even new york bc he really is the straight talk express.
2) i don't find anderson cooper all that attractive, but i dare you to not laugh at this video.
3) here's some more fodder for those of us who think sarah palin is a fucking idiot who makes me ashamed to be a woman. and/or a hockey fan.
4) you should read this. painkiller addiction? check. daddy issues? check. crazy? check.

oh yeah, the greatest news of all: 30 rock is returning on october 30. i'll just put the season premiere on loop to get me through election day.

Summer Movie Preview

So, have you visited my house lately?

You very well might have because March and April were really the high season for house guests at our place in old South (of) Temescal/sort-of-Korea-Town/maybe Mosswood. Plus, I had a birthday party recently, and many of the 11 people I know in the Bay Area showed up. Anyway, if you've visited my house lately you might have found me preemptively explaining the copies of Entertainment Weekly on the coffee table (by which, of course, I mean "in the bathroom" because I'm classy like that). I don't know how I got signed up for the magazine, and I don't know who's footing the bill--maybe I have a secret Magwitch in Hollywood--but one day a couple of months ago, it just started showing up at my house.

Part of me was mortified--everyone knows the Postal Service is quietly judging you based on your subscriptions (which is why, I make sure to keep my subscription to Cement Americas current)--and that part always wants to explain to people that I'm not, you know, the kind of person who actually goes out and signs up for Entertainment Weekly. But then another part of me waits for the magazine with bated breath, reads it cover to cover, only skipping over mentions of American Idol, Britney Spears, Gossip Girl, The Hills, and other pop culture phenomena that make no sense to me. So, "cover-to-cover" maybe isn't right--I read a good 19% of each issue. But those pages I read I read with great attention, and let me say this: Magazines for people with short attention spans?! What a country! Even though I slave through the maximalist New Yorker profiles in multiple sittings, I read the whole Tina Fey profile in EW last week while toasting and cream cheesing a bagel. I didn't even contract Tina Feytigue!

Ironic unself-awareness of maximalism references aside, I do have a point. The current issue of Entertainment Weekly taught me two things: 1) George Lucas' original concept for the fourth Indiana Jones centered around space aliens invading the earth, and he is obviously the dumbest person in America, and is lucky to have Steven Spielberg to save him from the rancid porridge residing in place of his brain matter; and 2) Adam Sandler is going to play an Israeli commando-turned-New-York-City-hair-stylist who falls in love with the Palestinian owner of the salon he takes a job with. Hijinks and Hezbollah! Merriment and Mossad! (See trailer above). Joke premised on Adam Sandler's foot? Check. Rob Schneider in brown/black/yellow face? Check. Sure-fire box-office gold? Umm, fuck yeah check.

So, in the clip from 30 Rock above, which aired months ago, in those sepia-tinged days of Clinton inevitability, a simple play on words makes for a witty joke. What if a character--in this case, vapid Jenna, prone to errors in judgment--was made to air her patriotic bona fides on MSNBC, but confused the word "Obama" with "Osama"? At the time the scene (what with pompous man-child-windbag Tucker Carlson having literally been struck dumb at the end) made me laugh the kind of laugh one gives only to absurdist humor. But now, having seen Ted Kennedy, John Ashcroft, Fox News (sorry, no Youtube available), ABC News and CNN --to name only a few of our paragons of government and media--commit the same error, the 30 Rock joke starts to look more sad and prescient than absurdist.

look up schadenfreude in the dictionary...

and i believe you'll find this article there.

in other news, thank goodness 30 rock is back! yeah, i guess it was a little bit weak, but you gotta love "we no longer wanna hit that."

hasn't this song been written already?

sounds awfully familiar.

oh well, i'm glad kenneth found something to do during the writers' strike.

anyway, this post on abovethelaw is really annoying. reminds me of all those jerk republican parents who told me in high school, "you may be a democrat now, but wait til you earn your first paycheck!" hey guess what? still not republican. okay fine, so i still can't vote. touche.

"i just don't know how kelly ripa does it"

this interview is with scarlett johansson (is she or isn't she engaged to ryan reynolds? i kind of miss him with alanis), but i ended up focusing my attention on kelly ripa. look at those guns! she manages to be scary thin and yet super jacked. i didn't even know that was possible. doesn't she look kind of hungry? her husband seems sort of like a himbo, but hey, they make it work.

that 30 rock quote reminds me that i had a very random celeb sighting today: jack donaughy's assistant was walking around my 'hood. i kind of wish i'd said something, but he passed by too quickly. btw - 30 rock is coming back in april! yesssss!

road to the whitehouse: even more poorly formatted separated at birth edition

Cheezburgers Made from Soy, and Other Myths

So, 'Pockets and I are spending the holiday in San Antonio, which for some reason has embraced the suicidal gray and chill of an Bay Area morning. Surely, this is the slow descent to hell Nancy Pelosi and her ascendant San Francisco "values" portended.

We left early Wednesday afternoon-- bracing for the rowdy, pre-tryptophan crowds--but SFO was a ghost town. The plane ride was memorable only because the mustachioed flight attendant passed out cheeseburgers he insisted were made of soy, despite the 42-point-font "beef" stamped on the wrapper. I love watching people wage losing battles: a whole bunch of perturbed maybe-vegetarians drew the mistake to his attention, but he insisted the label was a misprint. Even an appeal to his co-flight-attendant yielded a dismissive "you must be hallucinating," but he stuck to his guns.

We changed planes in Houston--Bush Intercontinental--where the picture above was taken, and my question to you, reader, is not what's up with the airport bookstore which, along with no fewer than 12 ideologically like-minded great works, put the following books on display in the window? See here, here, and here. (I like that the author of the first two lives in a "secure, undisclosed location," simultaneously paying homage to his bloodthirsty demigod and luxuriating in the paranoid fantasy that he might be some suicide bomber's prime target.)
No, my question is when did George H.W. Bush become motherfucking John Henry--chiseled abs, broad shoulders, Saddam-like stature and all? A man who's most memorable for vomiting on the Japanese Prime Minister and for evoking a Mr. Burns-esque sense of human decay has now been reimagined as some sort of frontier hero. Ninja, please.

holidays are coming up

i know none of us can believe how close it is to christmas, but c4ts, i think i found the right gift for you.

it's only a magnet, unfortch.

Modelling for Lane Bryant

This is the most confusing Times headline I've seen in a while. What, they're trying to distance themselves from the Anna Nicole story now? Umm, yeah, there's like some inquiry into the death of a "model" or something, we don't really know. Anna Nicole was a model like I play wide receiver for the Redskins, Bill Keller. That kind of feigned disinterest might work if not for the fact that you guys fawned over this non-story like every other tabloid out there. Somebody needs to bulldoze the Times building and turn it into the biggest Lane Bryant in midtown.

ps --California AG (and ex-everything else) Jerry Brown and Joe Biden, separated at birth...and by a few hair plugs?

in the papers

a host of bummers in the news of late: the SCHIP debacle and the bush administration's shocking (i know i should expect this by now, but i didn't realize health insurance for children would generate so much resentment) veto, marion jones and 'roids, just how much of a sycophant gonzales was, bloomberg still being a sexist dick...le sigh.

BUT the greatest night of the year swooped in and rescued me. and you know what, alessandra stanley? jack donaghy isn't always "infalliable". remember jack-tor?! yeah, eat it. i do read the paper.