holycowvancouverisinthefinalsAHHHHHHHHHH

the above is pretty much how i feel right now. i know this is your number one source for all things hockey-related (in which case, how sad for you), and since i will be traveling the next few days, here we go!

1. here it is, kids. i am going to go franzen and just show my unabashed devotion instead of pretending that i'm not invested in this team. and i'm going to declare this love using one of the more recent forms of technologically-facilitated expression, the blog. zing! so what does this mean? i'm going to go one step above espn, yahoo, globe and mail, EA sports, and all of the other prognosticators and declare that the vancouver canucks will win in 6. the downside to this is that they will win in unfriendly territory. the upside is that i won't have to lose my mind during a game 7. and this is actually about me. sorry if you thought this was about the 40-year drought in vancouver or the 18-year drought in canada or cam neely returning to the town that prematurely rejected him or the fact that mark recchi is the oldest player to play in the stanley cup finals or that this is the first final featuring two french-canadian coaches or even the disappearance of the boston pizza chain in vancouver.

2. i am a bit worried about my hometown and i fear that they will just spontaneously combust. how is this different from 1994? here is my take. the '94 canucks were a good team, but the '11 are the freaking best team in the NHL. thus, the city, which is already beyond starved for a championship, is sitting on the edgiest of edges. want proof? here are two youtube clips that a vancouverite filmed. you'll see what i mean. the entire city is enveloped in this. don't expect anything to be accomplished in vancouver over the next two weeks. all of those straight-to-DVD films and USA dramas will have to be filmed elsewhere or take a hiatus.

3. aren't boston sports fans the worst? yeah, they totally are. i don't know if i can stomach a world in which all four of their teams dominate their respective leagues.

oh, you wanted like sports-y analysis? uh, i dunno, luongo is always a gamble, though he was channeling someone else during game 5 of the last round. he's been fairly consistent since his terrible mid-chicago series breakdown. nonetheless, it was news to me that guy was nominated for a vezina. apparently boston has a horrendous power play, while the canucks have one of the best in the playoffs. i don't know whether this means that the canucks should play very physically and forget about any disadvantages of playing shorthanded. fairly safe bet since the canucks' penalty kill is pretty darn good. nonetheless, why give the other team extra opportunities, even if they succeed only 9% of the time? i know so little about boston since the two teams rarely play. i guess chara is important?

we'll see what happens, dudes. we've been burned so many times that it is somewhat challenging to think that anything emerging from this town can actually win, but here's hoping.

Canada Just Killing It, Like Always

Look, people (person?), I think it's weird that you're so consumed by your national bloodlust that you haven't thought twice about the conflicting details of the Bin Laden kill operation and whether it comports with our national values. Or that your response to the admittedly strange, frankly unbelievable circumstances in which he was found is to proclaim that we stop all aid to Pakistan and regard it as a terrorist state -- despite the fact that the United States has thousands of troops and tons of military equipment and other supplies in Afghanistan, which got there through Pakistani ports and would have to get out the same way; despite the fact that the greatest victim of terrorism in the world today is Pakistan, its people, its police force, its soldiers; despite the fact that an incompetent Pakistani army or duplicitous Pakistani intelligence agency is not interchangeable with its people; despite the fact that we continue to drone-bomb the Pakistani countryside, which, understandably, might cloud its people's feelings about American wonderfulness. I think it's weird that you, strawman, disregard obvious geopolitical complexities for easy "USA!" sloganeering. But that's just me.

Still, while we can disagree about politics and policy, here and abroad, it's nice to know there remains some common ground between us: We can still agree, for instance, that Canadians are just killing it--straight murdering shit--with their amazing awesomeness at life. Really, just a paragon of democratic values that country is.

WE'RE ALL GOING TO WEST EDMONTON MALL!!!

and because you cannot have a hockey party without a mountie...

sunday sunday sunday!!!

730PM EST, you know what i'll be doing. i can't even deal.


so in my junior year in college i had what i still consider to be the most fun internship ever when i worked on the first iteration of nbcolympics.com. my job mostly involved transcribing interviews between my producers and athletes. yeah, that sounds terribly dull, but two important things: 1. olympic athletes almost never have predictable life stories. (case in point, check this one about bilodeau, the first canadian to win a gold medal on home soil). i'd be sitting there with headphones on, typing like crazy, and most likely crying a little. 2. it actually helped a lot in law school! so there you go, my unsolicited piece of advice for the day: best way to prepare for law school? transcription.

anyway, too many things with the olympics, so a few thoughts.
1. ohno is a whiner and even when he's trying to be gracious he can't help but needle.
2. that video ad up top really drives me nuts bc nobody in it actually lives in vancouver anymore. maybe except sarah mclachlan, but you get the point.
3. shaun white is freaking hilarious, despite being carrot top's identical twin.
4. johnny weir! he's awesome.

finally, who's got the best olympic coverage in my opinion? the wall street journal! maybe since there is no good news in the financial sector they've decided to channel their energies elsewhere. whatever the reason, i'm glad bc where else will you discover that a lot of ice dancing pairs are siblings? and for those of you who wonder how the eff do you get into bobsledding? by going broke, that's how. they also rank olympics parties!

ps i've also been partial to aileen gallagher's coverage for new york magazine.

and here it is, my favorite scene so far from the olympics

(that bouquet he's holding? the white roses spell "J." just when you thought your craft project was embarrassing).

is wayne gretzky going to have to choke a bitch?

i know none of you watched it so here' s a recap.

the opening ceremonies went fairly well, although it would have been quite awesome if broken social scene had performed instead of (yikes) bryan adams. kd lang was great.

but lest we canadians get too big for our pear-shaped mountie breeches, what should have been the highlight--the lighting of the torch by 4 people, not just one, including canadian hero and man in motion rick hanson--fell rather embarrassingly short. although the rest of the torchbearers quite literally grinned and beared waiting for the mechanical malfunction to be resolved, wayne gretzky was just not having any of it.

so yeah, good for vancouver for incorporating the first nations people into the ceremony, although kind of cruel for making them dance for like an hour with those heavy costumes. also, we can feature a gang of fiddling tapdancers but no asians? and no love for mr. hockey?

ps that photo is for all you americans who couldn't care less about anything not american, i.e., all americans.

checking in with stevie Y

how did i miss this? yzerman was inducted into the hockey hall of fame! along with pretty boy luc robitaille and snoozefest defenseman brian leetch. oh yeah, brett hull, blahblahblah. lamoriello looks a little stunned to find himself on that poster, btw.

things i learn from the gym

no, it's not how to do sit ups properly or exercise. i think my primary motivation for joining the local y was to watch the many tv channels it offers. i know, how can i not own a tv? surprisingly, i actually don't watch it much anymore and i even cancelled my netflix subscription. that shit just piled up and made me feel bad. turns out i'd rather watch "40 year old virgin" for the nth time than the greatest works of fellini. netflix E is quite highbrow and cultured, whereas everyday E just wants to hear steve carrell talk about making egg salad sandwiches. and bags of sand. that's a good one.

anyway! a few weeks ago i watched this episode of my super sweet 16. is this show supposed to make kids feel better or worse about themselves? i can't tell and all these obnoxious kids and their enabler parents are a little much. nonetheless, when this misguided canadian girl proclaimed that she's going to have a better party than all americans (btw - would any american ever claim this? even teenage canadians have an inferiority complex. it's more canadian than our pronunciation of "regina"), of course i had to gawk at her moulin rouge-themed disaster of a party. good times.

i also recently caught an episode of american gladiators on espn classic, which reminded me of the congressional inquisition on steroid use. i needn't state the obvious, but foreal: why is this hearing even happening? just take a look at roger clemens. the dude is almost 50 and he's twice as wide as joe perry! that ain't just fat. it's so beyond obvious that it pains me to know this is what all these congressmen and women decided to prioritize. mission accomplished?

ooh la la pierre

whoa, classy gent and lady byng winner pierre turgeon decided to hang up his skates after nineteen seasons in the NHL.

but you know what really gets to me about the wikipedia entry? the following used to have a totally different meaning when i was an uninformed youth back in canadia: "In 1991, Turgeon, along with Benoit Hogue, Uwe Krupp, and Dave McLlwain, was traded to the New York Islanders for Pat LaFontaine, Randy Wood, Randy Hillier and future considerations." y'know, the sabres were gonna sit around and contemplate for a while, scratch their chins and then get back to the islanders with what they wanted at some point down the line. i guess that literally is what happened, but the word "consideration," much like the word "reasonable," makes my brain melt now.

anyway, kind of nuts that turgeon never won a stanley cup. even ray bourque squeezed one in in his final season! alas, au revoir, pierre.

at least trevor linden is still in the game. whew.