Sunday, August 31, 2008

Juno from Juneau

The internet has tackled every angle of the Sarah Palin story. I have little more to contribute. But this being a totally labor-free, Labor-Day Eve, I'm just sitting around picking sand from Stinson Beach out of my eye and arguing with 'Pockets about how to arrange the wires connecting our TV and cable box, so wtf. Why not? Bravely into the echo chamber...

1) She's okay-looking, I guess. Who am I to argue, but can we all just calm down with the Tina Fey comparisons? Yes, they both have brown hair and wear glasses, but the similarities end there -- both physical and substantive. While the 80's were a lot kinder to Sarah Palin than they were to Tina Fey, the millenium is all about the latter. It would be impossible and inappropriate to list her virtues and accomplishments here, but among them are Werewolf Bar Mitzvah and Who Dat Ninja?, and among them are not early and vocal support for the Bridge to Nowhere and an asshole commitment to ANWR drilling. Come on, America, I know you think every woman with spectacles and bangs plays for team sexy librarian, but let's try to tell them apart.

2) What's going on with identity politics in our country? The community organizer who married the independent lady with a collegiate interest in black consciousness runs on the Democratic ticket and transcends race, while the pro-life, shotgun-wielding beauty queen who thought Hillary was whining and didn't know what a Vice-President does now wants to shatter that highest, hardest ceiling. I can't wait to see future iterations of this phenomenon: the Arab-American who wants to double the size of Guantanamo, the gay man who himself thinks he's headed straight for hell. (I'm talking to you, Charlie Crist.)

3) Now the juicy stuff: Pardon the crassness, but there seems to be a raging debate about whether Sarah Palin hails from MILF Island or GMILF Island? Blog reader Anat asked us to cover the rumor that Caribou gov is not the mother of her youngest child, but is in fact covering for her eldest daughter. But we live in a time of abbreviated news cycles, and today even Daily Kos did a post on the story, so go there to read up on it.

Now, I have no real opinion -- I'm not particularly offended by the rampant spread of the rumor in the absence of decent evidence nor would I even be surprised in the slightest if the whole story ended up being true. But here's what gets me. All the photographic evidence in support of the theory (see the Daily Kos story) does nothing to convince me: a couple of pictures of Palin sitting, wearing jackets, not looking terribly with-child? One picture of a 16-year-old girl with the slightest bump? Who cares.

But the story itself is totally convincing: her daughter out with mono for months right around the time the baby was born; her water breaking and her finishing the speech she was giving before taking a 12-hour flight back to Alaska; the fact that her staff had no idea about the pregnancy.

It's all fishy, and fish pickers don't come from Texas.

UPDATE: HAHAHA:THE OLD "SHE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN GIVING BIRTH IN APRL BECAUSE SHE'S FIVE MONTHS PREGNANT NOW. Y'BURNT!" DEFENSE. THE LAST DAYS OF THIS ELECTION ARE GOING TO BE GREAT. I CAN'T WAIT TILL OLIVER STONE MAKES A MOVIE ABOUT IT.

7 comments:

E said...

This pick is an insult to anyone with a brain and an even greater insult to women. She is so unqualified that words fail me. Why are people so quick to believe that obama is unprepared to lead yet they seem to not even blink an eye about this joke of a pick? Is it all racial? Are people so blind that they are willing to believe a 20 month stint as the governor of alaska is enough?!

I am feeling so pessimistic about this. The republicans somehow manage to rally and support even the least among them, while the democrats can't unite around a legitimate candidate. The republicans would never behave as the clintons did with their passive agressive bickering and backbiting.

As much as I try to cling to some semblance of optimism, I see a mccain presidency on our horizon. And it will most likely be a palin presidency and our 17 year old pregnant girls will be hailed as heroes for deciding to keep their babies. Yay progress.

cold4thestreets said...

Oh, now who's being the downer?

Unlike you and 'Pockets, I'm feeling slightly less skeptical of Obama's chances now. Palin brings in the base, sure, but there is no hope for the undecided independents breaking for McCain. And the initial polling shows that women aren't buying Palin as Clinton substitute. She gets booed, in fact, for even mentioning Clinton. If that was the implicit reason for her being chosen, it's been forfeited.

So long as the Democrats make smart use of Troopergate, Palin will be neutralized. Of course, it's entirely possible they won't. Because they're stupid.

E said...

I waver. I've been involved in more than my fair share of conversations with people who truly cannot see how obama can be a reliable leader. I really don't know what evidence they have to support such an outlandish statement, but people are more convinced by an old white guy than a youthful black guy.

Anyway, I'll be damned if some hillbilly who homeschools her kids named trick or trig or swig ends up anywhere near the white house.

Also, wasn't her 'month face husband a separatist? For alaska?! Cmon! Sure, quebecois separatists are laughable but at least people have heard of them.

E said...

I dunno why it came up as month face. I typed mo-face. Damn auto correct!

Anonymous said...

I think one thing has become clear, so far: Lieberman is a big, fat, f*cking loser.

cold4thestreets said...

Dear Anonymous: You don't need to censor yourself. You're already anonymous, and E and I are pottymouths (pottyfingers? That sounds gross). Anyway, if you want to write "fucking," in the future please just write "fucking." I mean you already wrote the words "Joe Lieberman" and that's pushing the boundaries of good taste. That man is both boring and obscene.

Anonymous said...

And Giuliani is a nipple.